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January 23rd, 2020
7:14 AM
I've had an awful morning, it's only 7AM and my arms are already tired. Johnson made us do sixty pushups today. I could go on about how much I dislike Johnson. He's tied with this girl named Mykenzee for the person I liked the least. What I've been thinking about this morning is 4H Camp. I usually go to two camps per year, but I didn't go to county camp last year, I probably won't go to county this year as I might still be at MCA. I'm going to state camp, me and Megan have a little plan. I miss Megan a lot. I hope some really good guy that she loves marries her. I would, but I think she's way too sweet.
7:43 AM
We just had breakfast, breakfast isn't that great, but the muffin and fried egg we had today was pretty good. We got smoked today, times like this I wish I was on a full body profile or something. I almost failed the psychical. The lady asked if I was depressed and I told her yes, that was true. Sometimes I feel really low, and what makes me feel lower is when I don't accept my feelings. I get real low for a week, I'm working on getting better. The lady asked if I ever thought about [redacted], I told her no. That was a lie. Sometimes I think about it when I feel real low. I almost did twice. The first time was when I was with H, there's this mountain that you can stand on and see all of Beckley - and I was gonna go up there and [redacted]. I probably wouldn't have, but there was two times I really considered it. Like when K broke up with me the first time, me and my family went to this parking lot that was real high up, and I was thinking about [redacted]. Then the second time we broke up, things went all the way down. I know I couldn't do something like that, when I get older I'd like to be some kind of self help person. I know there's a lot of greed and hatred in the human heart, but I believe with enough disclipline and self-awareness we could overcome that. I might become vegan, not because eating meat is wrong, but just because it'd get me to think about what I'm eating more. I have an idea, I'll only stuff I hunt. That'll probably change if I went to chicago, but Illnois is somewhat rural. That's where my uncle lives. He's kind of my hero, I haven't talked to him in forever, but he really is my hero. He isn't some crazy musician like I wanna be, he's just a normal guy. I'll tell ya more when I feel like writing.
12:06 PM
I've seen two refusals today, both were very entertaining. Van Kirk refused but he came back, Johnson has been the biggest d-ck today and Van Kirk had had enough of it. The second refusal, this kid from 3rd platoon yelled "F--k you" to another squad leader. Johnson's gave us hell all day. He smoked us this morning, made us stare at wall lockers. Also while I was standing for bay leader, he was all like "you better not be touching my coat." It was funny, he smirked, the bay leader at bay 5 smirked, it was kind of funny. But while Johnson was yelling he said something along the lines of, "if y'all listened to mommy and daddy, you wouldn't even be here." That hurt. It really did. I've worked too hard to hear something like that. I can't wait to become a cadet, I can't wait to graduate and prove his stupid behind wrong. It's a shame some people think this program is just for "bad kids." These people, who are trying to better themselves. Some people can't respect others trying to help themselves . We're having buffalo chicken wraps, those are my favorite at home. If I think too much I might just cry at chow, hell I might cry during my cadet picture.
2:13 PM
Today has been awful day for all. There's a kid refusing, well he just came back. But everyone is miserable, 6th platoon is gonnabe a wasteland by the time we get selected. No one wants to be here but I know I have to get through this. I've started working out, I've had an awful day but working out seemed to get something out, it's a lot ebtter then crying. Ms. Taylor gave a speech that was pretty neat, but what stuck out to me was she had one of the biggest wait lists for a class ever. Now I gotta graduate, because now the refusals blow my mind. I could deal with Johnson now because I know I'm thinking too much about this but what it comes down is someone had faith in me. Someone really did have faith in me. The next class we have is the selection day, and after that we have dinner. I'm hungry. I think Ms. Taylor said Johnson was an awful person, I don't know if she was talking about him or not, but I will pretend like she did. Today has been awful day, but it's getting better because it's almost over.
5:10 PM
I'm gonna say this was a good day. The food smells good. I am officially Cadet Shumate. Plus I got to take a very nice shower, and I've been working out. To be honest, I'm mainly working out because it gets really boring here, but any progress is good progress. What I really want to do is meditate. I miss that so much, I might just do it in the barracks. I talked to that Vaughn girl, turns out she's vegatarian. She's really sweet, I enjoyed talking to her. She calls me "Competition Guy." We just had dinner, it was very good. It wasn't ground-breaking, but it was pretty amazing as usual. My favorite meal we've had is the chicken and bleu. I don't know if that's how you spell it, but it killed me. It was so good. I've got Winter's Love by Animal Collective stuck in my head. Anytime I have an Animal Collective song stuck in my head, it's a good sign. I wonder if we're doing OA or if we're watching a movie tonight. I hope it's a dumb movie like The Watch. That's my new favorite movie, well it's tied with The Dirties. That's a beautiful movie. We start classes on Monday, I'm really excited for that. As long as I do my work and pay attention - I'll graduate.
January 24th, 2020
7:10 AM
You know what kills me, when people here say "Is that you, John Wayne?" They really misunderstand the quote. I've heard it about a hundred times. Today's gonna be a good day. Even thou Johnson's got a smoke sesson waiting for us when we get back to the barracks. My mom sent me a letter, it had a little picture of one of Daniel Johnston's drawing. I love Daniel Johnston, even thou he was always going through a lot. He was able to write such warm and geniune songs. He's kind of one of my heros, my mom doesn't know a lot of the musicians I'm into, I highly doubt my mom knows who Zach Hill ot Jeff Mangum are. We just had breakfast, it was not very good.
7:35 PM
That breakfast was awful, maybe I'm being harsh but usually the food here is great, great enough to deal with some guy like Johnson or this one guy who has a MAGA sticker on his Walkie Talkie. But today, the food was pretty bad for a day where I'm getting smoked, well we all are. We're gonna have a great day. We only got 20 days till first leave. 20 weeks till graduation - that's crazy. These days are going by fast, not as fast as I'd like, but fast enough. At Church, this old ladt had this beautiful Martin 12-String, and she played some chord and believe it or not, it sounded just like "Well Respected Man" by The Kinks. Funny story about that song, about 3 months before I came here - I shaved my whole head. I'm gonna grow it back out but whenever I got my head shaved. I was reading with my grandma, that song came on - and I felt very proud of myself. Vaughn said "hey" today. It was very sweet. She asked me what my name is yesterday, it was really sweet. Yesterday was really fun after the selection day, they sat us down in the DFACT and we were doing really well, but Nate kepting saying depressing sh-t no one cares about. I hate when people do that. But we had dinner, it was pretty good - we had potato wedges with ketchup. I love ketchup. But after that we went to the DFACT and watch some movie - but me, Swain, Shumaker, Sweeney, Vaughn, and Stump had a good time. We made fun of Johnson, the squad leaders thought it was funny. A lot of the younger squad leaders look like Dylon McBride, except Mr. Parks. I broke my shower shoes today, it was really funny, I fell too. My Platoon talks too much, they also ask too many questions. I've been thinking about who I was last year. I was a real jerk last year, but I looked very good. Tik Tok. Let me tell you about that, I might cry. For a little bit I was famous, but I'm kind of a has-been. I'm kind of sad of how I acted during my fame. I lead a lot of girls on. That's very dumb, it really is.
12:04 PM
June 12th. That's the day I get out. We just had the awards ceremony, things are just starting. We're having pizza, thank the lord. My next goal is first leave. I can't wait, it's only two weeks away, also we got a lot going on right now. By this time next week, I should have everything settled. We get phone calls next week, I can't wait to hear my mom. I won't have her put Kinsley or anything Kinsley hates talking on the phone, I do too. Kinsley would rather play.I haven't told you about her, she's my sister. She's 5 but she's really happy. I really hope she doesn't lose that. She's probably at preschool right now. There's this kid named Shumaker and he's the worst. Most of the kids here are the worst, except for me and Swain. Swain is funny as hell. But Shumaker was the first bay leader, and everyone hated him. He freks out over stupid things - like today he freaked out and threw a pencil because he didn't get chosen for tug of war. He looks like Nosferatu and/or Bat Boy. Me and my mom watched Nosferatu in 2016, we went to this theater in Beckley and afterwards we went to McDonald's. I had a good time back then. I miss being home, I hate the fact I've adapted so well. I don't remember how it feels to be home, it kills me. Kind of like how I don't remember how my parents were married, like it feels unreal.
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