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January 21st, 2020
7:13 AM
It's Tuesday. I can't wait for this acclaimation business to be over with. Too many pushups for people who are unable to maintain silence. We had a new guy today, who wasn't Johnson. I don't know what his name is. He has a MAGA sticker on his walkie talkie. There's this goofy kid named Stump, which is funny because he talks like Forest Gump and he has a crush on this girl, Vaughn, it's really sweet. I hope it's innocent thou, all guys tend to do when complimenting a girl when she isn't around is talk about how nice her body is. It kills me, how guys can just do that. The girl with a shaved head is writing in a journal. Not right now, but yesterday. She was also watching the movie they were playing in the chow hall - The Longest Yard. But this girl, she has scars all over. I really miss E right now, she paints. Mostly watercolor. Next time we go to the barracks I'll get her letter out, I wonder what she's doing. I wonder what a lot of people are doing. I thought about my buddy Ronnie last night, I haven't thought or talked to her since the day before I left. I forgot to tell you about my friends. I hope they're doing well, but everything went to shit right before I left. They say I can't commit to anything.
8:14 AM
We're in a classroom, but we're just filling out a form right now. There was a girl yelling in another classroom - that has become common. I hope we watch Super Size Me some more, we got to the part where they play Rock n Roll McDonald's. That's a great song. My mom and sister love it. It's by Wesley Willis, not many people know much about him. He had a really rough childhood and around 1980 he was diagonised with schizophrenia, and he'd use presets on his keyboard that would make a song for him and he would just yell all sorts of songs. I think he had over 800 songs.
12:05 AM
I've cried all day. I don't know why, I've been missing home. To be honest, I've been crying because I can't remember what it's like to be home. That kills me. I'm also sick of waiting, I've been since October to be here and we haven't started classes yet. I'm so ready to enjoy being here, I mean I do, but it would be perfect if I could hug my mom. I love my mom and sister so much. I also miss E, the way she drew roses on the letter she sent - that also kills me. I miss my instruments - not being able to play them kills me. I know I'll be a better person when I come out of this, but not having music kills me - especially when everyone in my bay thinks they are a drummer.
12:32 PM
There's a lot that happened before I came here, it blows my mind how much of a madman I was. I'm not actually one, but I was. I just haven't had that great of a day. The best thing I've here is how to fold clotches, I love it. On first leave, I'm gonna clean my room, I'll also listen to all my favorite songs. I want to go to the mall again. I want to hug someone. What I really want to do is hug E. She makes me feel better, she really does. I want to eat breakfast burritos again. That'd make my whole year. I haven't been having dreams the last couple nights. The second night I was here, I had a dream about Subway. I miss working there. I miss J mostly. She always gave the best hugs. She has a boyfriend Cody, he's the best. He's an engineer. I wish I was smart.
4:35 PM
Friday is when I become a cadet officially, I'm excited. Then it's 24 days till I go home for 4 days. But as I've said, I'm mostly for this acclimation business to be over with. I'm real excited to get into a rountine. There's some people I'd like to get to know, like that girl with the shaved head. Well actually, nevermind, I overheard her talking about some crazy shit today. There's not many other people I'd like to get to know, like Sweeney. He's beside me right now, but he seems alright. Maybe we'll hang out after graduation. Smoke some. I haven't smoked in forever. I've been drug tested too much these past couple months. Last time I smoked was around October, when I first decided to come to MCA. I still had long hair.
5:57PM
This is the last page, it really is. They're getting ready to open the chow line. I love the food here. Never trust a skinny chef. That is a phrase that I love. It's goofy. Poling has the mail crate in the gym right now, I love mail so much. I might go work for the post office when I get home. I could sort people's mail all day. Maybe I'll do good there. Or Subway. My cousin is the manager at Subway. That's where I work. Maybe I'll work two jobs if things don't work out with E. But if they do, I'll join a drum circle, I would like that.
[End of Journal #1]
8:15 PM
So I got a bunch of letters today, I love letters. the cute envelopes people write them in. We're not supposed to have tape but f-ck that, my mom sent me this cute picture Daniel Johnson drew. He's my hero. His artwork is essentially a journal of his life, every song, picture, whatever he made was a part of him. He also writes happy songs, happy songs kill me, because when whoever sings it, it means it'll tug your heart strings enough to help you get out of bed. Brian Wilson's music makes me feel the same way. I love the both of them. I love Paul Baribeau and Kimya Dawson too, they're excellent songwriters. Their style of music is called Folk Punk. I'm a folk punk musician, well when I get out I'll release some of the songs I've wrote. What I want to do, if I go to chicago, I'll make some crazy music. I'll call it Noisefolk, I'm not sure what it'd sound like other then very cool. My perfect band would be me playing acoustic guitar, an overblown, distorted bass player, a cello player, and a zach hill-esque drummer. Zach Hill is f-cking crazy. He can make any song sound crazy. I'd love for my music to be fun to play mostly. Energic punk songs that are a little more complex is what I'm aiming for. I've been thinking about music all day, I've been thinking about it since I got here, actually. I also wanna have the vocals be crazy too. Maybe I'll be in a bunch of bands, who knows. We're going to bed soon, hopefully everything goes well in the morning, but knock on wood.
January 22nd, 2020
10:30 AM
January 22nd. I believe today is the election. I am not too sure, that's none of my concern until June 12th; June 12th is the day that'll I'll graduate. Tomorrow I'll officially be a cadet, then Friday we get pizza. It's weird how oridnary things become rewards here. They just described how our timeline for a day will work. I hope I can keep this journal up, but schoolwork is my top priority. They just told us about Ed Groups, which I'm not too sure what that means, but they have fancy names - my two favorite are "Hotel" and "Foxtrot." It reminds me of this album called "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot," it's amazing. The band who made that album is called Wilco - they are great. The genre of music Wilco makes is called "alt country," doesn't that sound cool. Noise folk does sound cooler. Something cool happened in the gym today. I started singing All Star with Yates and this kid was so amazed. He said he liked it, when I get home, I'll be a better singer. My mom sent me a letter, she got one of my letters and in this letter she sent me instructions on how to make a bunk, military style. I wanted to join the air force, not anymore. I got real scared when that stuff with Iran happened and I saw all those terrorists burning flags. That sh-t scared me. There's some f-cked up people out there, like Rosenberry. He's not a terrorist or anything but he's pretty scary. He got kicked out yesterday, we all clapped. I think what got him the boot yesterday was when he started making jokes about marines and some of the veterans who work here put him in his place. They had a big arguement and it was really entertaining. Rosenberry, I wonder what his acceptance letter looked like. I wonder if his looked like mine. The wording in the acceptance letters make it sound like you're thrilled as can be to go there. I know that some kids weren't that thrilled, but I was. I essentially did all the work to get here, but I know some kids don't get that luxury. Some kids are miserable here, they really are. I don't really care, I don't really care about anything if you want to know the truth. I mean, I do. But I am tough, like emotionally, I can deal with a lot. I'm a god damn madman I swear. I'm really hungry right now, I'm always real hungry here. The snow here is really, really pretty. If you're not freezing to death, and the company is quiet, the snow is really beautiful here. I'd love to walk with E in it. I'd to take E to Little Beaver and show her around. Little Beaver, I've been there so many times. Thinking about that place makes my heart melt. I took H there on our second date, it was rainy and I remember holding her hand under this canopey. Sometimes I miss her, but the thing with is she was pretty and her voice was sweet, but she was mean to me. If heaven is just a place you wait for for the rest of your life, when I die, I'd want my heaven to be the trailer she lived in. It was so calming.
12:04 PM
Tharp. I could do a whole presentation about what a dumbass he is. I feel bad for him, I really do but everytime you try to be his friend - he does something really stupid. Like I tried being his friend during OA and then he pissed in the shower. The kid depresses me. He likes this girl named S, whose really pretty but I don't think Tharp likes her for the right reasons. I yelled at him for objectifying her. I bet she's really nice, she probably loves painting or something like that. If I ever like a girl because I think she's hot, put a bullet in my head. I've done it before, and I'll probably do it again, but it's stupid. I've talked to girls for some pretty stupid reasons. Like this girl Roni, I liked her because she was strong and liked books. But it turned out me and her were not compatible. Before I came her, she had wrote me like 5 dolled up letters already. I wonder what this decade holds in store though, I mean MCA is a weird place to start, but in all honestly, for me, it's the best way to start. MCA is the first adult decision I've made besides getting a job. When I first started getting into MCA, my parents were skeptical but, I did all the paperwork, I made my family fill out the mentor papers, all my parents did was drive me here and get my shots done. They're really proud of me, they really are. My grandma sends me these weird letters where it sounds like she made it up on the spot. It kills me, they're so goofy.
5:05 PM
I have church tonight. I'm really excited, church gives me a point of reference for the week, so if I can't think of anything to do exciting during the week, there's always church. I like god and stuff but if I think about it too much, it freaks me out. Whenever I was a little kid all my expierences with religion were bad. Like they had this club whenever I was little, and it was suppose to be this club for little kids who love Jesus, but they told us dogs didn't have a soul. Then in 3rd grade I went to church and this lady yelled at me for not knowing my lines in some stupid play.
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