///////////////////////
March 11th, 2020
7:05 AM
I slept so damn good last night, I woke up and I was still in my blanket cacoon and I was decently warm. We're going to have fruity cheerios today, so I'm excited for that and then we're having a pepperoni roll for lunch and grilled salmon for dinner. We just had breakfast and it was this awful cream of wheat stuff, but I'm still content - I wasn't that hungry anyways, and I don't have to clean windows anymore. I believe we're taking the ASVAB tomorrow, which I'm not feeling too good about. There's a cold chill running down my back, but it doesn't bother me for the most part because I know I'll be out of here soon enough. Tomorrow's the 12th, which is our halfway point, so thank the lord for that. I'm pretty happy today, although I am a little hesistant towards feeling positive. I have a new song stuck in my head, it's Heartilation by AJJ. Sean Bonette and Paul Baribeau are the biggest influences on how I play guitar. I can't wait to go home and learn more black metal riffs. I miss practicing vocals and looking through bandcamp. My other inspiration is Jon Gomm. I've been thinking about this video of Blair Benzel playing guitar and it's so good, her style is a geniune mixture of midwest emo and jazz. She was in a band called Panucci's Pizza, and she kills it on drums. Every instrument she plays is just midwest gold. Lou Diamond, the guitarist for Panucci's Pizza and Jank is another one of my influences - even if they are evil. I feel the same way about Varg's guitar playing. We got to listen to our MP3 players, and it was great. I listened to MCR, TOP, and Float On by Modest Mouse. It was the closest thing to relaxing I've done in a while.
8:33 AM
I'm in Chidester's class, all the people with leadership roles got called to the DFACT and we had to fill out a paper about the cadre, good stuff about them. I wrote down that Mr. Bircher motivates me the most because he really does motivate me, and when he says congratulations or something similar - you know you really earned it. Him and Mr. Teets are my favorite, and I think Mr. Cosner is pretty cool too. They seem pretty smart and they're the kind of people Hemingway would consider manly. I need to write E soon, but I get to call her next Friday so I'm excited for that. Ms. Chidester just brought up the phrase "March Madness," which I'd completely forgot about until just now. I'm feeling pretty good today. We might have Mr. Juristy next block, I miss that crazy bastard.
9:37 AM
We're in the DFact now, I have quite a bit of time to write. I'm really excited for April 23rd, because that's my half birthday - that's also around the time I got my application to go here. This place isn't too bad and it's an easy way to get to summer. The thing is I don't talk to many people. When I came here I thought everyone was gonna be all messed up and I was going to have act hard and lie about my life and all that nonsense, but I haven't had to do any of that - not one bit. I mean you can't really talk to anybody about anything important, except for Strahin. She knows who Modern Baseball is and she really does listen. I'd do anything for a smore pop tart, they're the greatest thing on this earth. It's hard to believe there's a whole world outside this place and it's hard to believe that one day I will be out of here. It really is, but the days keep chugging along. I'm feeling good, I'd just hate to get sad like I was yesterday. I slept pretty darn good though. When I get the choice, I should pick the DFACT, because when I'm in OA and I don't have anybody to talk to, I panic, and I hate it because I don't want to talk to a bunch of goobers like Neal. Neal kills me, all he talks about is how he got an 87 on the ASVAB, people like that are the worst. The dumbest people are always going about how smart they are. I'm just a liar. Another thing that is hard to believe is my bed is currently waiting on me back in Beckley. There's a lot of things that are hard to believe, and there's a lot of things I haven't thought of yet. I did the math, we have 94 days left, that's not counting second leave, but I'm always trying to make things harder on myself. I guess April 3rd can be a holiday, since that'll make 6 months since the last time I smoked pot. It's not that much of an achievement, and I won't keep it up after graduation, but I guess it's another day together. I'm always lying about that kind of stuff. I sound bummed out as hell, and in a way I guess I am. I'll be fine in Science though. I'm actually excited for math and science today, they're really nice classes. They really are.
11 AM
It's lunch now, I'm real excited, hopefully Turley sends us a lot faster than he has been these couple days to chow. Tomorrow we take the ASVAB. I've done lost interest in the military. I'm always changing my mind. Hopefully tomorrow won't feel like forever, it shouldn't because it really is our halfway point. I'd like to think on the downhill part to graduation. it doesn't really seem like much has changed, but it really has. It's already March 11th, I'm so excited for April. Kind of like how I was excited for this month. But what's cool about April is that it's almost everyday is worth double because the month after April is May, our last full month. Well May is technically not our last full month, because we get second leave. But after April we start TASC testing. Well we sort of start TASC testing in April. Mr. Hughes is running chow so that should be fun, I'm not too worried however, I'll just take it like a man. It's not the worst thing to ever happen. That panic attack was pretty bad. Next class is math, and I'm real excited for that too because Ms. Chidester teaches it and she's nervous as hell so she stays on top of things. I'd like to think it goes by in no time. It's only 11:20 and already half the company has ate. The good thing about tomorrow is that the day after that is Friday, then we only have to get to week 11 for it to actually be our halway point. I'm in a pretty good mood, I ate everything on my plate and I was one of the last ones to sit down. It was a really good meal, besides the obvious factors that prevented me enjoying the MCA culinary experience. The last time we had pepperoni rolls, my time ran out but and I was still eating, and Mr. Juristy said something along the lines of "you, drinking tea, you're done." And I finally got to eat a pepperoni roll again, unfortunately I was still rushed. On the upperhand, in 9 weeks, it'll be week 18. That was a grade period when I went to public school, 9 weeks. Week 18 means only 4 weeks until graduation. Currently there is 13 weeks until graduation, but never the less - tomorrow is still our halfway point. I've been taking things one day at a time since I got here.
2:40 PM
You'll never believe, we're through math, and our last class is library as in we're in the gym right now. I'll write again sometime soon.
8 PM
Our bay is doing med call right now, but I'd just like to let you know I've had a good night. I did good with the count and I read a lot of my book, I picked up East of Eden by John Steinbeck. Anyway, I'll write you in the morning.
March 12th, 2020
6:25 AM
It's real peaceful here in the gym. Mr. Gardner yelled at me last night during the two minute warning, I don't mind though, all you have to do is say, "yes sir," and then move on. He said something that would imply he was going to write us up, I think he hates me, but I don't think he knows anything about me. I don't think anybody here really knows anything about me. there's a quote in that book, East of Eden, I'll write it down, "as Cyrus became more military, his wife learned the only technique through which a solider can survive. She never made herself noticeable, never spoken to, performed what was expected and no more." That's what I've been doing, but lately it's been harder to stay out of the way.
12:25 PM
Lunch was pretty good, it wasn't anything to fill you up but Mr. Hughes didn't run chow, so I guess everything is fine. We already had all our classes so all we have to do is take the ASVAB. I'm a little depressed right now, but it'll pass over once I get out of here. I'm always depressed around lunch. I've been doing that kind of thinking that I shouldn't do. It just kills me because it doesn't feel like I've ever been anywhere else and I'm never going home. I don't mean to be dramatic, it's just a lousy emotion. I hate the numerical, math-intensive, borderline obessive way of killing time that I've adjusted my thinking around. I just calculate the same information over and over again. Then I'm in autopilot the rest of the time. A well oiled machine. I guess this morning was chaos, and they let us talk, and I talked to Sweeney, and I honesty think for once, I was comfortable. I'm always real stiff, and my body knows what to do so I just spend the whole day thinking. And they're not real thoughts, they're just meaningless calculations. I guess the worst part when I'm thinking about home or some memory, it doesn't feel like I was ever really there. I know that's how I really feel because there is a lump in my throat as I'm writing this. I'm not going crazy or anything, I'm just depressed as hell.
4:12 PM
We finished the ASVAB, I think I did poorly, just not too poorly. I thought I was going to cry half way through it. We're in the barracks and I'm feeling a little better. I don't want to admit it, but I am feeling a little better right now. Currently we are in the barracks. Mr. Parks is letting us listen to our MP3 players, so I guess that's good. I'm feeling a lot better now. I believe I figured out 6th Platoon's count for dinner: 31 Assigned, 3 servesafe, 2 colorguard, 2 S2C, that makes 24 present. I'd be a genius if I wouldn't doubt myself so much. That's my major problem, I'm not real confident in myself. I don't really have a good image of myself. I honestly couldn't see how anyone could find me attractive, I'm always looking at pictures of myself and my reflection trying to find something to feel good about myself, but sometimes I can't. I'll find something one day though.
6:03 PM
I'm still feeling pretty lousy.
8 PM
We're in the barracks right now, I'm feeling a lot better. We found some candy in the parking lot during OA and it tasted amazing. It was Airheads Extremes. I didn't get any mail, I really want to hear from my dad. However I do get to call him tomorrow so that is good. After this weekend, the month is almost ever. Atleast I can start feeling good about the month almost being over. Then we only have one more left, the best part about this whole thing is once we get to April 12th, I'll feel real good about things. I'm so excited to go to sleep, one of the best parts of any day, besides chow and mail call. We had OA but Stahin is on an S2C, she's the only person I really like talking to during OA. Me and her passed notes in science. I drew her this tattoo I want to get. It's this character called "Party Dog," it's just a little dog drawing with a party hat on. It looked really cool, Strahin drew me a Party Rock. The good thing about today was it was real warm for a second but by the time we got to OA, the wind had picked up and the temperature had cooled off. Tomorrow should be a better day. We'll have mail again and Mr. Cosner will be working so the company will be really organized. We get phone calls too. I'm excited because we'll be in the DFACT and I'll be able to either write a lot or read a lot. I'm real excited because that means another day is gone. At this exact moment, I'm listening to The Enforcer (Mr. Meeham) making Wheeler do pushups and mountain climbers. Mr. Meeham (The Enforcer) really is our Boo Radley.
deaththreads. website