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March 9th, 2020
7:09 AM
It feels like a pretty good day here at the MCA, I feel well rested and sunburnt. I sent D's letter even though it's probably not the best idea but it's more than likely correct. We are breakfast, it's 7:24 AM now I was thinking about getting a tattoo. I'm real excited to play guitar again. I really hope I got the address, I'll ask my mom in a letter. They talk, I'm not too sure how frequently, but they do talk. I'm in love D too but I couldn't see me and her ever doing anything. I could see me and her doing all sorts of cute stuff and being a superior couple, but I couldn't see doing anymore me and her ever doing all sorts of cute stuff and being a superior couple, but I couldn't see doing anything like that that. She's too sweet I guess. We've been through a lot together. There's a Paul Baribeau song, and there's a couple lyrics in it that mean a lot:
"I heard a song once about falling in love with your best friend. I'd give about anything to hear that song again."
"Last summer I was trying not to fall in love anyone."
I love Paul Baribeau, I could go on for days about his songs, here's some more lyrics:
"You sipped your pop, it was brown, and you gave me little coca cola kisses and my heart broke on the night that you left and there's a few pieces I still haven't found yet."
"I'll never get to know my mom's friend Harry, he had a low, scratchy growl of a voice, he'd sing make me an angel who flies from montgomery and then he drank himself to death"
"I loved my parents, my parents loved me, but they just couldn't love each other."
8:49 AM
We're in Chidester's now, we've got everything sorted out. Everything's going pretty alright. Wood's still platoon leader so I can happily assume my role as bleacher creature again, I got tape to tape my pictures too and I also fixed everything that needed to be fixed (i.e. bookmark, my folder, and the envelope I keep stuff in) and to top it all off, it's pop tart day.
11:37 AM
I've already got my work done in science so I thought I'd write a little to kill the time. I remember the first time I ever heard the phrase "kill the time" was in 2009 and I was 6 years old and I thought it was cool. My uncle took me out to watch the new Star Trek movie and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. There's a video on YouTube of me playing with legos. It's called Christian in Star Trek by TeraForce. When I was a kid, I was all over the place. My parents made me delete my Youtube account because I was watching How To special effects video some of them were bloody. Many summers have been lost to YouTube. Days filled with ChimneySwift and PewDiePie and Bajan Candaians. Many of those beautiful memories have been buried in time, but I won't forget how happy they made me.
12:08 PM
We're having a chicken parm sandwhich for lunch, I'm effing pumped. We took a quiz on something in Science and I actually got a perfect score. I'm really going for platoon leader. We got 6 weeks until TASC testing starts, that's real important but what excites me the most is the fact that that will be Week 15, 7 weeks until we go home for good and it will be April. Thursday is our halfway point, and it won't seem like much has changed, but really it has. When I get home, I'm going to grow my hair real long, just to give it one last try. I'm also not gonna shave my mustache for a while. I'll be like Frederic Henry when he's in love and on the run. Ernest Hemingway is boring as hell. I have this song stuck in my head, it's called "i'm going home" by Pat the Bunny. I can't wait to hear it again. I'm in a really good mood today, I hope I can keep it up. One thing I do miss about home is watching mindless YouTube videos like "Near Death Comp. [Vol. 1]" and eating all of the time. In general, I just miss being a lazy scum b-tch. I'd really like to start a noise punk band called "Shit'll" or "Scum B-tch." It's 12:46 now and we just had lunch, it was good, just enough to get full.
3:20 PM
Just when you're done, you have to get back up on the ol' horse of confusion. I'm sorry these entries have been a little all over the place, I've gotten pretty used to it by now, atleast these past couple days. I'm pretty positive I'm platoon leader now, due to the fact I overheard Mr. Bircher saying, "any position of leadership is...," I couldn't make out the rest of what he was saying but he was talking to Wood. It sucks that I'm not really informed about these things, but the only thing it's done is gave me a mild case of Whiplash and made me one hell of an unreliable narrator. We're going to the barracks, possibly, so I might not know until after hospitality. How dramatic and suspenseful. Luckily for me, I get used to these things. It's pretty nice outside besides the wind, I wrote Chris a letter and we get haircuts tomorrow. Also tonight we get mail - thank god for mail. Just heard over one of the cadre's radios that we're going to the barracks. I've never been this observate or paid this much attention to anything in my whole life. It's kind of funny and I get a real kick out of it. I'll write you when things settle down.
8 PM
Alright, it is time to conclude the question of whether or not I am platoon leader or not. It was settled in the line to the barracks, here I was, standing at parade rest and in a moment of debate, I requested permission to speak. Mr. Bircher said "Cadet who?" I then replied, "Sir, Cadet Wood informed me that she is no longer platoon leader and I take her place since I am assistant platoon leader, is this true, sir?" He replied, "yes, that is correct, congratulations, young man." He then named Yates as my assistant. Yates messed up the count during chow while I was away at hospitality tonight. I'm kind of proud of myself, I don't think anyone else is. I hope I can get it again after this grading period, but I am doubtful. I was feeling alright but I am a little down in the dumps. I'm back up because E sent me a letter, it might not seem like it, but I really do like her. I'm just all screwed up. This day really flew right on by, and for good reason too. It's med call right now. I got to talk to Fitzgerald, 2nd platoon's leader, he's a bit neurotic but he's one of the only guys I could see myself being real good buddies with. I'm going to send Chris a letter in the morning. I can't wait to go to sleep, we're getting ready for two minute warning now. Goodnight. :)
March 10th, 2020
7:10 AM
This feels nice, finally we're settled down. I'm excited for today, I can't wait to do the count. I'm real proud of my position, even if I did get it be default, I'm still proud of myself. I asked Mr. Sisler about the ribbons and he just said "there'll be an awards ceremony," which I don't know what the hell that means but I'll figure it out when I figure it out. It's the second day I've had "falling in love with your best friend" by Paul Baribeau stuck in my head, but this time I have the lyric, "and I already know I'd apart, but that was the firt time I noticed, I was slowly but surely coming back together." E sent me a letter yesterday, and it's not much but you can tell she meant it, she's been real tired because she works 3 jobs. I don't know she does it, I'm proud of her. At some point, I'll take B's picture off this journal, but not right now. We're doing ribbon bar exchange, plus we're staying in the gym for latrine break so I'm having a pretty good day so far. I wonder if I'll keep my hair long or short when I get home. I personally like it short but it's been a long while since I did it. I told people and then I just did it, people said I look completely different now. Swain and a couple others said I look bad with hair, which is true because I used to put it back and it shows off my big forehead. My neck is also fairly thick. The jizt of E's letter was she was super tired but she sent me a poem, and holy jesus. I don't want to talk too much about it, but it was something. She does like me, I'm just overthinking things. I have a lot of Wingnut Dishwasher's Union songs stuck in my head at the moment. I had a dream last night I bought a pair of pink vans. I think I'm going to get some when I get home. Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night and I had to piss, and I went up to Mr. Dixon to ask for the flashlight - and he was slumped, snoring his ass off. It was funny, it felt weird though because for the first time in a long time, I was alone. Yesterday we had to stand for a while after taps and once Mr. Packs told us to go to bed and I hit the bed, I almost convinced myself I had died and went to heaven, and I wasn't sad or anything, I thought it was funny because no one else knew I was dead. I always thinks it's funny when I know something no one else knows, but usually I feel bad about it. Like I've know I was platoon leader since Sunday, or atleast felt it, I just needed confirmation. The thing is once I got it, and Wood came back into the classroom, I had to act like I didn't know. I had to act like I didn't see her think to tell me, I had to act like I didn't hear her ask Crawford to get my attention. If you want to know the truth, I can be a big f-cking actor sometimes. We just got haircuts, they really depress the hell out of me. They don't cut hair just like you're getting a haircut, it just seems like they're taking one of the only remaining parts out of you away - I guess that's the point. There's hair everywhere and I'm debating going in the shower because all this hair is gross, it's all over these pages. Haircuts, they kill me. They really do. I hope we get to take a shower after school today. The razors are harmonizing and it's making this whole scene depressing. We're allowed to change shirts on latrine break. My short term goal is lunch.
12:07 PM
My intermediate goal is our next latrine break. I hope we get to eat soon because I'm hungry as can be. I don't think I want to do OA tonight, I think I just want to relax, it's hard to believe tomorrow is Wednesday. I'm excited for it. All we have to get through is this month and April and then we're set. We get second leave and then we graduate. I'm feeling a little down right now. The best thing to do is to just let it pass over and I should be fine by the time we're in the DFACT. As in tonight, not for lunch, I hope we go to lunch at some point today. Some things feel like forever but then just when you start get real bummed out about it, the moment is over. Maybe one day I'll be happy too. We just had lunch, it didn't fill me up, I just sort of gulped it all down. I'm cold and from where I'm sitting there's this big chill running down my back, I hate the cold so much. I tried reading some letters and still feel about the same. I had a thought and it made me a little happier, but not by much. I thought about how today can't and won't last forever. I want to cry. I know I shouldn't. It just feels like I'm never going to go home again. Things were going well for a while and now they are not. It's the absolute worst, I'll write about it in a little bit.
1 PM
I'm in Mrs. McCloud's class right now and she left us wear our coats. Everyone is being really loud and annoying but I can feel that it will be over soon enough, after this class we only have one more. So I guess that's good, I plan on going to the DFACT and writing because it really is where I feel comfortable. I was thinking about my bedroom and what it is doing right now, I bet it's real peaceful in the real world. It's strange how people take things for granted, but if I had the chance to use my phone or talk to my dad or sleep in my bed, I'd never complain again. I just feel lousy, I really hate myself right now. There's a lot of reason that I am hating myself. I don't think I'll get platoon leader again, I'm sad and I no longer know how to make myself feel better. I'm hungry, I'm just so damn tired and I want to get home. I hope time starts to pass again like it was and I hope to hear from my family soon, I miss them like hell. I miss everything like hell. I hope we have a vacation as a family to the beach this year. It'd mean the world to me, it really would.
8 PM
It is sometime around 8, I'm feeling a lot better. We didn't get much mail, however I got a big piece of duct tape, so not only was I able to tape some things to my notebook, but I was also able to fix my folder, which makes me feel better because I really like my folder. I've had it simce the first couple days of acclimation. It's mainly weathered down from where we'd have to hold it in our left hand even if it rained. Everything that makes up the folder is broken to some extent, most of the binding is gone but replaced with duct tape. However, it is pretty cool looking if I do say so myself. Also, I taped the roaster of 6th platoon (my platoon) in one of the pages I accidentally skipped, that way I can keep up with whose whose and where everyone is. I'm thinking about what my MCA box will look like when I get home. We're getting ready for two minute warning, so I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and I am very excited. :)
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