March 5th, 2020
7:26 AM
God, what a great start to the day. We did morning PT and if you were real fast, you got to run with Juristy, a lot of people got caught, I however did not. I like Mr. Juristy but I know he sure as hell does not like me. We had a real good run, it was beautiful and the weather was nice. You should've seen the view from the air strip, it was great. The sun hasn't rose yet as I am writing this so everything is tinted yellow. If I had it my way, everything would be tinted yellow. Today is going to be a good day. We get to go to library tomorrow. I really hope they have Jarhead, I feel like I want to join the army, I know it's not what I like, but it's a pretty good option. Yesterday I got 3 whole letters, two were from family and one was from this girl, C. She lives really close to me. I don't want to talk about it too much. It was a sweet letter. She wrote a Kurt Cobain quote and the bottom of her letter, "our duty as the youth is to challenge ccorruption." That probably wasn't the actual quote, but it was pretty neat. Anyway, I wrote her a letter about a bunch of cool things and I talked about Zach Hill, and I was a little smooth in it too. I also drew an anarchy symbol, which at the time I think is cool, but maybe one day when I get older, I'll think it's stupid as hell. I might just join the air force to make my dad proud. He always wanted to fly planes. He was in civil air patrol when he was in my age. I'm guessing that was his passion. Before I left he told me this story about how they used to help with plane crashes, and one time they got up to this place and they called it off because there was a dead body. That's all I can really remember about that story. As I'm becoming a man, I've become a lot more like my parents, but for the most part, I'm mostly taking the good parts. Me and my dad have become a lot more alike, I'd say we even look a lot more alike. We both didn't graduate from high school, he went to alternative school and I am here. It's hard to believe Chris and my dad are my heros. I really do look up to them. My dad isn't a veteran or anything like that, however my uncle Joe, my grandfather, and Chris are veterans. May one day I will be one. I'd retire by the time I would be 35. I honestly do not care about money. There's more to life than money. I finally learned how to do a square knot. I wonder what test we have today, more importantly - I wonder what snack we will have today - and most importantly, I wonder if we have any mail. I'd really love it if someone besides my family wrote me. Like B or D. I know they care and I sound like a needy bastard, but I'd to talk about it too much. If you talk to much about things like that, you'll f-ck your whole day up. What I think I need to focus on the most for the next two years is making sure that the people I love know I love them and that I have some real some good moments with them. Because I could go awawy into the army for a long time, or I could move to Chicago. I've spent too much time taking my confusion out on the ones who love me and it really is time to change that. Time really is precious, and people keep getting older. I'm thinking of music as more of a hobby. If you want to know the truth, I want to be like that guy, Attic Abasement. He made a really good album called Dancing is Depressing. I think playing shows is fun, but the actual art is what's important to me. He played a couple show and still does and he isn't a hermit, he just lives his life. I might go to Chicago and live there, or I might stay in Beckley and work on music while being in community college and trying to get my license. I might join the army. But I want to leave a record of who I was. This might sound dumb but my life would be perfect if I was known for one album. It'd be the closest thing I could get to sharing a memory. It doesn't really matter to me if I got to tour a lot as long as I'm living life, I'll be good. All my heros are are normal people who also catalog their lives. Like Jeffrey Lewis and Daniel Johnson. I have this idea in my head of doing a house tour and showing all my things. The main thing I think about is me showing off this box labeled "MCA stuff." I have a box like that at home labeled "high school things" but it's filled with a bunch of bullsh-t. High school was awful. I wonder what's in that box. I cleaned my room during first leave. I think I barely got everything cleaned. I want to move my drumset to my dad's house because I never really play it, maybe one day I will. I wonder what I'll do about living. I think I want to live with my parents a little bit. I don't think my mom needs help raising Kinsley but I'd love to help her. I wonder how Kinsley will grow up. I'm really glad she has the loving parents she does. I hope she doesn't get upset by our parents getting a divorce, I hope she'll know that there's nothing wrong with it. I might be in Chicago or in the military. Either way, I'll be away. I hope it doesn't affect her. I hope that doesn't sound selfish but when you're going up, things like that affect you. I didn't realize how much my dad affect me, some people never figure those things out. If I did join the army I'd use my money to do something real good for my family, I'm not too sure what I'd do though. And I'd go to college for something really smart, so I could get a good job. I just feel like I was mean and I'd have a lot better of a time making the ones I love happy and proud then if I were to just not change at all. If I were to die somehow, before the girls in my family, I'd want them to know that I am having a good time living right now.12 PM
It is lunch now. I'm feeling pretty good, hopefully we don't have Mr. Hughes on lunch duty again. I've been real proud of how I'm tying my boots now. I'm also real excited for my guitar that I'm going to build with my dad. I'm going to try to make it my main guitar because it'll look really whacky. It'll be my signature. It's this 75 dollar headless DIY kit. It looks real weird, I'll definitely have to change out the pickups. But other than that it should be perfect. Me and my dad are going to build it together so it should be the perfect sentiment. I'm going to call it Knife Man Guitar. I'm going to try to learn all the songs I wanted to play when I was a kid. I really like playing metal riffs a lot, specifically black metal riffs. I'd really like my band to be like a black metal x jazz thing. Really, I just want to have a band that sounds something like Hella. I waant to make really cool music videos too. One idea I had was to turn my guitar into an organ like run it through some form of an organ pedal. I love organs. I also want a cello player, but when I get home I'm going to make a folk punk album. I want to make like noise rock or math rock that is influenced by black metal. I hope I figure it out, because if I ran figure it out, it'll sound cool. We just ate, it was pretty alright. Nothing to write home about, literally. It's a little bit chilly but not too bad, when we went out for our latrine break and we were waiting in formation, I could feel the sun's warmth on my neck. That'sa beautiful thing. I love being warm so much. I don't care much for beaches, but damn I love the warmth. I'm going with my mom in July. It's hard to believe July will be here before I know it. It's already March. Today is our 54th day here (kind of) that means we only have 100 days left here (kind of). Swain's telling his Vietnam war stories. It's making me cackle. He was talking about how, "if Shumate wouldn't have been there, I'd be a sorry 'scum b-tch." He also came up with the Shumate Grm Pacer test. Swain mimicked the intro with, "when you hear the words, 'Tharp shut your f-cking mouth, go down'" and "when you hear the words, 'Shumaker, you're not f-cking funny, go up'".I'm in Ms. Chidester's class, we took the science test and it's probably the hardest thing we have done. Fun fact, we only have 6 weeks until we begin the writing portion of the TASC test. That's in April. After April, comes May. Second leave. I wonder if I've changed since first leave. All my friends are saying I'm not mean anymore. They also say I'm a lot more relaxed and mannerly. That I can definitely see. I let Ronnie have this my keyboard and this sh-tty guitar I broke. I plan on recording most my new album at her house. It should be a blast. I'm going to buy a cajon. I played one at Guitars Plus, and I was pretty alright at it. We don't have ASVAB prep tonight, which sucks because I think we're going to take it next week. I wonder how I'll do. I'm confident now that I've learned a square knot. Tyson said I do a perfect 8 count. I remember when I was first getting into guitar, I went to this guitar store and there was this guy in a military uniform and he was playing guitar and I started talking to him and he said he had just got his honorable discharge that day. I told him I'd remember his name, but I forgot. Maybe one day I'll be in the same boat. It's funny how these things play out. Like when I graduate it'll mean that this whole long process of MCA will be over. It'll be about 9 months in total because I sent my application in October aound Halloween. October for us will April. There's a lot in April. My mom's birthday, 4/20, my parent's divorce anniversary, and my half birthday (April 23rd). My mom's birthday is 4/19 and I'll write her a real sweet letter. I'm going to call her tomorrow, I'm excited. She's real sweet and does a lot for me and Kinsley. I hope we have OA today but we may just watch a movie. I want to play some basketball, Vanscoy asked if I was going to play with them again. That meant a lot to me. Dumb things usually mean a lot to me. I'm real excited for library tomorrow, I'm gonna look for something I'll actually enjoy, I'm going to go extremely fast looking through the library. Right now I want something by Charles Dickens but I don't know if that will last.