March 3rd, 2020
7:29 AM
Yesterday actually turned out great. I got two letters and a package. The letters were from my stepmom and it was just to see how everything was going and there was two letters from my mom in one envelope. Pretty much she just said that I overthink. She said "when you get what you think you want and it doesn't go as planned, you disect it apart until there is only bad." I wrote a her letter about everything I've wanted to say the past couple days. I really can't wait for her response. She sent me another composition book and a bob ross coloring bool, I'm not gonna make it my whole being, but coloring is pretty fun. I made a big mistake by getting another Hemingway novel, they're boring as hell. I'm going to try to get Jarhead, but if I can't I'll get something by Charles Dickens.3:21 PM
Somehow I did it. We just took the social studies part of the TASC registeration or however you spell it. I think I did pretty well, but you never really know with those kinds of tests. I was feeling pretty down but I got out of it. It feels like I'm going to be out of here in no time, the next time I read this, I'll probably be graduated. I'm really excited to work on that guitar with my dad, I really need to practice my scales and what not, so I need to start playing more electric guitar rather than a bunch of open chords and power chords. I really hope I have mail tonight, I'm not counting on it but it'd be nice. It won't kill me if I don't get anything, I got more than enough yesterday. What'd I really love is if D or Ronnie or B would write me a letter. I can't tell if it's sunny or if it's raining or if it's both. My dad used to say when it was sunny but it was also raining that it was because the devil was beating his wife. He used to tell me stuff like that on the way to go hunting. I used to hate to hunt with my dad, but I'm no longer scared of my dad. I'm glad we made up. My dad became a real sweet guy after my parents got divorced. April 14th, 2018 is the first day he actually seemed liked a dad to me. There's a picture of me from that day before and it's crazy to know that that used to be how my life used to be. It's hard to believe I had a life outside of this place. I can't wait to get through all this emotional, teenage, brain fog shiz to be over with. I wonder if I'll have a big moment of clarity or I'll just wake up one day and things will be normal again. It's raining real hard outside, I think the spot where I rubbed an eraser on my thumb is going away. I'm really excited for this summer, it'll be a blast. I wonder what I'll do. It's starting to rain loud again, if this were the loud rain would be a perfect way to switch a movie shot. Yesterday we got to listen to our MP3 players. I learned what the three maliest things are; reading, CCR, joining the army, and to regret joining the army and than proceeding to build a cabin. We just got to the barracks. I believe it is going to be a thunderstorm. We heard just heard thunder. It made me smile when I heard it because it reminded of when I'd go to my grandma's and I'd run or something in the warm morning and then I'd get lost in 4chan or something and there'd be a real calm second where I'd just listen to the storm. And you couldn't think about it too much or else you'd lose that moment. There's not a lot of mail today. Not enough for there to be something for me. The best part the days here are getting through them. I believe there's 161 people. I blend in extremely well. There's this kid, Joy. And we're buddies and all, but we're always trying to outdo each other and he's always trying to show off how smart he is. The smartest people don't have to talk smart, they blend in fairly well. They also don't want to join the military or get confused by a lot of things. Really I'm just making fun of myself. But that Joy kid kills me because he's always trying to show off how articulate and well read he is. Well read people don't read Stephen King for f-ck's sakes*. Tomorrow will be the one month anniversary since I got this journal. It's a little beat up but it looks cool as can be. Everything I own at MCA looks like this journal, whether it be drawn on, taped notes, I mark it all up. I do this with things at home too. For example, on my vans I wrote "Brave as a Noun" on this pair of vans I own. In freshman year, my old buddy Kian had stolen my ukelele and wrote all over it. He wrote slurs and various racist symbols on this ukelele that my Jiu Jitsu coach had bought me (The Jiu Jitsu coach had accidentally busted my head open on accident and this was his apology gift). Anyway I had brought the Ukelele to school and left it in the band room and that Kian kid proceed to draw all over it. From there I tried to tell the band teacher and then the principal and they essentially told me to f-ck off. From there I got mad and choked Mr. Kian out. He then had to pay me 50 dollars for damages. And with the money I bought this pair of green vans. The lady who sold them to me said "they'll be great shows for the fall" since it was October. Really they went with anything. I have worn them for the better half of three years and they were all tore up and marked with music quotes. They wre my prized possession until I broke them while I was working. I have the laces tied around my acoustic guitar to hold up the guitar strap. When I go to the library next I'm going to look for cooking books and Jarhead. I'd really like to learn how to cook really healthy food. I mean I don't want to become a gym rat or anything, but I do want to frequent the gym. My mom's been going to the library, I want to check Brave New World out from the library. What kills me about the library where I live is it just sits there and not a lot of people notice it but some people still go there, and things go on there and have gone on there and there's many memories there that live inside people's minds about that library. It's crazy to me that a simple place like that can fill up a whole darn book of memories. That sort of thing is always on my mind. Like my dad's basement, I'm always thinking about when the saleswoman showed us and me and my dad were freaked out by the shower in the basement, or the first time me and Ronnie hung out, or when me and K would lay together. There's so many memories in that damn basement, maybe one day I'll write a book of memories.I did OA, I played basketball with Swain and it's the first time I've smiled in a very long while. I was terrible at it, but I had so much fun. My natural reaction was to give up when I got worried about people looking at me, but I decided to stop thinking about things and have fun. I don't expect basketball to be my new interest but I really hope I get to play it tomorrow. I'm always in a damn book here, and it's never anything good. I need to start doing things that I want to do here instead of imagining doing it at home. I broke a sweat for the first time in a while. It really was a blast but I'm glad it's over. I'm real excited for camp and to see my friends again, I really hope I can get in opening day. I'm talking about county camp, if I graduate in time I'll go. Last year I didn't go because I was too busy being famous and all that. I'm a has been now but I kind of love it because on my going away to MCA tik tok, someone wrote "thank you for making my summer last year," and if I'm just a happy memory in someone's life like that, I'll be real darn happy.
***Editor's Note: 12.9.2025: I no longer believe this to be true***