///////////////////////
February 24th, 2020
7:30 AM
So good news, I woke up in a pretty good mood. I could've let things get me down but I didn't. Right now we're sitting in the gym, we just got done with our cleaning crew job. Breakfast kind of sucked, however the kix was good. I'm a little sad but I'm not gonna dwell on it too much. I got pissy with Sturgil cause he's a dipsh-t but other than that I've been real nice. You should've heard the way I told Ms. Cavender, "have a good day, ma'am." It was sweet. We're in Ms. Chidester's right now. It's 10:07 AM. The snack was amazing today, poptarts. I have some homework due tomorrow but it's really easy. Ms. Chidester let us put on our coats, which I'm really about - because I'm always real cold. I finally sent all my letters, so that's great. We get mail today too, we get tomorrow as well. Then Wednesday we get library, it's going to be a real great week. I'm really excited for March because I'll be so proud. Even if I'm feeling lousy, I'll still be glad that I'm working through the longest month. Then April, I'll be thinking about how in a month it'll be the last month. It's lunchtime by the way. I'm already caught up on all my schoolwork. We have math next. I'm pumped for that. I've been looking at E's polaroid and under it, it says "1.18.2020." That was a month ago, but I've been here for 2 months now. I really have, it's kind of crazy to believe. I wonder if things go this quick at home. I bet in no time it'll be mail time. Hell, I'll bet in no time I'll be graduated. I'm really excited for that. This summer is going to be a blast. Me and my mom, Kinsley, and my stepdad Jerad are going on a big ol vacation. It's funny, my mom wrote in a letter that our next vacation was gonna be the "brand new and improved family vacation" because when my parents were married all our vacations sucked.
5:30 PM
My day got very good. I have hospitality, which is definitely better than ASVAB prep. I was worried I was going to miss mail because of hospitality but we ended up just taking a walk. We got to go in the hotel at Camp Dawson, it smelled amazing. I'm really excited because there is a whole ass world outside of here that is waiting on me. I'm real proud of myself for getting through the day. I'm always real proud of myself for getting through the day. Me and Mr. Bircher had a cool moment. I had a nosebleed and he told me, "Shumate, you've had a rough time. You were sick and now your nose is bleeding." Mr. Bircher has become my favorite squad leader. He treats me with respect because I treat him with respect. Anyways class has went by really fast. We just had dinner. It was great. Right now we're waiting on med call. Which is the most peaceful time here. I've got everything ready for tomorrow, so today can be offically closed. I got two letters, one was from my mom letting me know how everything is going. My mom is working on herself, she has starting reading again and journaling, I'm very proud of her. I love her so much. She also let me know how Kinsley is doing right now. Kinsley is a goofball. She's with our dad right now. My mom sent me a little craft Kinsley made, it's a picture of a bass clef. The other letter is from this girl B. She's my song, I know that sounds bad with E and either. I'm not sure. I am honestly the worst sometimes. I'm kind of sad E hasn't wrote me since first leave ended. I know she likes me, I just feel like I emssed up somewhere. I probably didn't, my faith will hopefully be restored Friday. I can't commit to anything. I hope E doesn't read this. I might just burn this whole damn book when I get home. I'm lying. But this B girl wrote me and I swear, it made me want to join the damn air force just so I could make her my military wife. That sounds so stupid. Swain just sang "Old McShumate had a farm and on that farm he had a slinky." There was also a lyric about me having an ugly ass Tharp. I really want a salad with blue cheese, that's the best dressing. I need to make a list of my favorite cereals. I want to eat when I get home. Mostly I want cinnamon toast crunch and Kix. When I was sick the only I could eat was cinnamon toast crunch. The main thing I miss about home is food. I'll become fat bastard when I get home. I'd really love some subway right now. We're getting ready for two minute warning so I will write in the morning.
February 25th, 2020
7:24 AM
I had a real sad dream last night, I dreamnt I was home but I had to go back. I know when I get home I'll only have two weeks left. However on the good side of life, breakfast was pretty good today and also I didn't move much last night so making my bunk was easy. If I keep that up, I'll only really have to make my bed once a week. I may have ran out of meds today, but I'm not too sure, so I'll still go up tonight. March is coming up and I'm so damn excited to get it over with, April will be really fun because I'll be looking forward to May. This place is real easy you just have to find something to hold onto that passes the time. If you get lost in something like school or a book or a journal, that's the best. We had PT today, it ended up turning into a smoke session. However, I'm real proud of myself cause Johnson said he was going to "destroy our lower bodies," but I feel great. I'm ready for this week to be over with. I've been real cynical in the past two days and it's depressing the hell out of me yet. I know I need to be a lot stronger than I was last year. Around this time last year I was miserable up until March, I waited everyday until spring, then I waited everyday until May 22nd, which is when school let out. Funnily enjough, I'm doing the same damn thing, exactly. I just don't get the luxury of going home and watching YouTube at the present moment. I do have the luxury of when I get out of here, I can do whatever I want and I never have to go to school again. I forgot to mention, May 22nd is the day we get out for second leave - after that it is only two weeks until graduation. June 12th. I'm so damn excited to get through March. There is this song by The Mountain Goats that says "I am going to make it through this year," and it kills me and I really do think that's an empowering line. Funny thing is, there's a whole other class besides us and I've had it very easy, which I'm very grateful for. I have an assumption that these moments here are gonna fly by and none of us are gonna realize it until May. Time is funny like that. But these days really aren't the longest, I guess it's just the attitude you have about things. It's already 8:51 AM on 2/25/2020, that's a lot farther than I was yesterday, and that's a sure of a hell lot farther then where I was at on Opening Day. My buddy Krystian told me that March 13th is the halfway point of the whole program. He's right.
9:12 AM
Right now we're in the gym, we had out snack - it was sunflower seeds. I hate sunflower seeds. I should probably be studying for Mr. Mullens class, but I'm not. I really don't feel like it. I wonder what my progress reports look like. I hope there isn't any 2's, but lately I have been d-cking off. That's kind of funny, because I've been bored as hell but somehow still - I'm procrastinating. I really can be a madman sometimes. I really miss E too, she's the best. I think I'm over that dream, by the way. Sometimes I'll have dreams and they'll f-ck me up. Like when I had dreams about H and K, or I'd have a dream like the one from last night, I'd feel real down in the dumps, but sometimes I'd have these god awful "dreams" where my mind would should be the scariest things it could think of while being paralyzed. It's really awful when it happens, but it hasn't happened since I left. It's probably because I've been so damn exhausted that mind doesn't even have a chance to be hyperactive. I can't wait to go to the library tomorrow. I'm at a standstill, I can't tell if I want to read East of Eden or For Whom the Bell Tolls. Steinbeck and Hemingway, these two writers are getting me through this program. When I told my grandpa I was reading A Farewell to Arms, my grandpa asked me what war Hemingway fought in. Which Hemingway wasn't in the infantry or anything but he was an ambulance driver for the Italian front during WWI. I've memorized Hemingway's biography from the back of A Farewell to Arms. He was born in Oak Park, Illnois. He won the Pulitzer Prize a couple years before he [redacted]. JD Salinger wasn't a big fan of Hemingway. I like Hemingway, he can keep you real entertained. It ain't like you come out of a Hemingway novel with the best realizations of your life, but it kills time. I bet once tomorrow shows up and I get that book, I'll read it and I'll think it's the best thing ever written.
12:01 PM
It's lunchtime. We haven't been called to attention yet. These days have been going by really smoothly. We only have 4 days left of this month. I read some of my journal. I'm pretty damn funny. At the beginning of this month I had "I hope I make it to the 24th." It's the 25th. My short term goal is March 6th, my intermediate goal is March 13th, and my long term is April 1st. April is our last full month. In May we get second leave so it was just like how this month was. They say the longest weeks are acclimation and then the two weeks before graduation. I don't think people have noticed how time is flying by. February is almost over. I guess people expect to wake up and for it to be graduation. I'm trying not too. All I can do is chip away at these months while looking forward to writing in this journal or chow or reading a book. I actually enjoyed Mr. Mullens class today. Right now we're in the gym, D Squad is packed. It's all the jerks from 4th platoon and Metz. That was the corps commander. He's standing right here in the gym, it's crazy to see. I don't want to say "fall from grace," because that's a little much - but he certainly fell off something. I don't if I forgot to mention this or not but my mom has said she has started journaling as well. She said she wanted to start after 23 years, she also said it was cheaper than therapy. She's right though. Writing your thoughts down certainly makes things easier. I've read a lot of what I've already wrote here. I highly doubt when I'm out of here that I'll really care. But I might one day, who knows when I'll read these words again. If you want to know the truth, I've always felt like I was in the past, and I still do. But now I feel like all I can do is push forward in the present to make my future better. I wonder what my future self is like. I bet he's real proud of me. I wonder if I'd be proud of him. We just had lunch, it was very good. It was spicy Nachos, with Jalapenos. One time we had Jalapenos on the salad bar, and they were so good. Oh, by the way, the last page I just wrote in was the exact middle of this notebook. If you want to know the truth, I'm a little bummed out because I have to write in the rest of this notebook, but alas.. I still write. That's wrong way of think, I know I have to enjoy the process. I hope I don't keep thinking that way. I haven't, I've been thinking pretty positively today, it should stay that way for a little bit. Speaking of things of that sort, I wonder how long this notebook will last, I'd say until about March 13th, but I really hope it last a longer because this notebook does look really cool. I taped the pictures my mom sent me to it. I'm always doing cool stuff like that.
5:35 PM
We just ate chow, it was really good. A caramel apple with a porkchop. Sadly, there was no mail, however we had our first hospitality class. It was really nice. This real little girl named sheers just went up to Mr. Poling and asked about mail, he screamed at her and it's funny because I would wanted to ask the same thing, but we might have mail today. But we had our first hospitality class today, it is a 10 week program, which that'll help the days go by. Tuesdays, hospitality. Wednesday, library. Friday, phone call. My week is jam packed with things to do. I feel like a kid again, I'm having a lot of fun here - I just trying not to show it. I hope I can keep up this positivity. something crazy actually happened today in Ms. Wilson's class. Time just flew right on by, I didn't even notice it. I'll get done with WIN by week 13, it's very easy. I'm kind of all over the place right now. I'll calm down during the movie. I'm still in BDU's, which I like because I'm a lazy bastard also I kind of like standing at attention, it can be comfortable. I can't wait to get a letter from someone like B, I really want to show my abstract drawings to somebody. I'd really like to send Ronnie this picture I drew in my TASC book. I'd like to hear from Ronnie and D. I get a lot of letters but on the days I don't get letters, it bothers me. I'm a little sad right now, we got to a hotel room and it made me think of E. We were standing in the room and I started missing her, I know that's dumb but I've been overthinking things. I just want things work out with me and her - it scares the hell out of me. I get to hear from her on Friday, I'm gonna ask her if she wants me to write her another letter. I can be a needy bastard. I worry me and her will never get to that hotel room. I get real scared about things I don't know yet. The only thing I can do is get through these days. I'm really worried that I'll get sad tonight. It's all about how you look at things. We're watching Fury right now and I'm bored as can be. I bet you this moment will fly right on by, it's just a little hard to see but I can still see what I'm writing. Everyone is talking and it's bothering the hell out of me. I guess I'm sad about the hotel room and them not giving out mail. It just gives me another thing to be excited for tomorrow. That's the kind of thinking I need to keep up. Tomorrow should be a real holiday, everyday is a holiday especially when it was yesterday's tomorrow. We're in the barracks right now, that movie got better and then I wasn't that sad. I really miss E. I just looked at the polaroid she sent me, it sucks not hearing from her everyday, it also sucks not having cinnamon toast crunch everyday. Guess that's what I'm learning how to do, make the best of a situation. I'll get through it, it just takes patience. Patience, that's a word that I will look up tomorrow. But I was thinking, I could song I'm writing called "Never Coming Home" with this Pat the Bunny song called "i'm going home" to make it more uplifting. Sturgil's doing 8 counts beside me, it's pretty lame. I'd really like to have cigarettes right now, but if I had to choose - I'd probably choose cereal. Right now I keep thinking about Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Kix. I just took a shower - those showers are always cold. I remember before I came here I always wanted to take cold showers, I done forgot why. I'm real excited for that hospitality class next week. It feels like a class I really want to pay attention in. I think customer service really is for me. Jill told me that when I was at Subway. I cant wait to go back to Subway, I don't think I'll ever worry about a big line again. I mean I probably will, but you gotta remember, MCA is definitely the toughest thing I've ever done, and I'm getting through it pretty well. All I've been thinking about is all the ways I could make it seem like time is flying by, but time really did fly by in Mrs. Wilson's class. I'm still happy about that. I wonder what I'll schedule will be like tomorrow, I'm already organized. Bay 5 just got called for meds, thank god. In no time I'll be in bed. We're getting ready to get our bay called for meds but I'm not too sure if I have any meds left - real good news, I have ran out of meds. I'm so pumped for mail and library tomorrow. It's gonna be great, I bet tomorrow really will fly by. Only a couple more days until March then I can really start chipping away the days and see the results.
deaththreads. website