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February 14th, 2020
7:03 AM
I have one hell of a story. I really was sick as hell. They gave me motrin and I'm feeling better. Not 100% but I can enjoy my First Leave. I'm still missing my hat, Mr. Hughes said "how'd you lose your cap, meathead," and that almost made the whole thing worth it. But I was feeling terrible, and in my last class I started thinking about how I was miserable and how I got sick right before First Leave and it killed me. I started crying and I kept feeling worse and worse. Then I started shaking real bad and crying - then it happened. Mr. Juristy's ringtone was some song called "everything's gonna be alright" and I just started laughing like hell. I think it's because crying made it so much worse. I was in a lot of pain. Another thing I was scared about was it felt like my fever so high, that I was scared that I wasn't gonna wake up. Then I had a panic attack, or atleast what I'm pretty sure what was a panic attack - I haven't had one of those since I was in 4th grade. Ms. Taylor told me that I probably have cabin fever. I know I do. But last night I woke up and I was feeling great but I started thinking and I want to be put on an antidepressant. I'll try to talk to Gina, my old therapist, about all the laughing and hysterics. I kept praying too. Religion terrifies me. One time I got real high and started praying and listening to gospel. That was the last time I got high. October 3rd, 2019. I hit Josh A.'s dab pen. I thought he hated me before then. However, that time I got way too high. I learnt a lot about myself. For some reason, I decided I was gonna make "good Christian rock music." I believed Hobo Johnson was "devil music." I got way too damn high. I showed up to my job with a Virginity Rocks shirt.
February 18th, 2020
5:18 PM
Well, I really did have the flu. I had a very good weekend. I mean I'm still a little sick, but for the most part I'm okay. We had this lame ceremony and I felt like sh-t cause I had the flu and all. I told the doctor I wanted to be put on antidepressants but she told me to think about it. That's no fun. I didn't get them, by the way, so I really hope whatever was wrong with me on Friday won't show back up. I was in hysterics. When I got home I was real cold, it was not fun. Atleast I wasn't here though. Only 2 and 1/2 months until second leave. Oh, I've got real good news. In August I'm gonna fly out and see E, and me and her are gonna get a hotel room together. I'll be thinking about it till it happens. Things are going real well with me and her. We understand each other real well. I was excited when she first asked if we wanted to get a hotel room. I was real excited when she said that but I was also really worried that I was gonna have the flu for the rest of my life. I got Mr. Teets sick. I feel bad. I wish I would've got a goober like Wheeler or Yates sick, not Mr. Teets. But yeah, E. I have the assumption me and her are going to fall in love. Is that moving too fast? Is that expecting too much? Maybe.. things seem real predictable between us. I really hope they're predictable. I hate plot twists. I did a lot for being sick on first leave. Me, D, Eddie, and Ronnie hung out. If you want to know the whole goddamn truth, I kind of developed a crush on D. That sounds awful because of E but it's really how I felt. I think I honestly fell for her, I don't know how I just did. D makes me feel the way I felt when I had maple syrup at the first department all them days ago. She took me out to the movies yesterday and it made me so happy. I'd never tell D any of this though, I don't want to ruin things. Anyways, I'll write in the morning.
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