It is 7:40 PM, I am currently setting up some stuff for some deaththreads shows that are upcoming. I'll post some more info on Instagram in a day or two but I am very excited for those shows. The new album is mostly acoustic and vocal with some light instrumentation from Dave, it's also mostly about death and/or dying and none of the songs are really funny (except for one song(?)), but I'm not really a judge for those things - most funny things can be a little sad (especially in retrospective) and most sad things can be funny; it's just about perspective and it's about how we metabolize different sadnesses or traumas.

On Tuesday, I was freaking out. I was trying to get ahold of a friend and I thought he was mad at me and it just made me spiral and it was a lot. I just felt very sad and mad and sometimes I forget I have (what can be) pretty bad anxiety. I don't know and I don't think I can call my anxiety OCD, because whilst I have compulsions (picking at fingers), I have very sparse and phase-like obsessions that I can't articulate to a medical professional (my obsessions tend to be things like magical thinking, people being mad at me, feeling like I am going to die, those sorts of things, but idk if I'm just trying to write a list to you (the reader).). When I got home, I spent some time with my neighbor's cows, which was nice and one of the cows licked my hand; This eased my harsh feelings quite a bit. I began reading The Essential Kierkegaard, which also eased my anxieties and I understand quite a great deal.

On Wednesday, not too much happened. I was very busy and then became very tired.

On Thursday, I worked a great deal and then went to see Kyra and her brother. It was the second time (I think) I went to Kyra's new apartment. I saw her brother Robert, and we went and got some food in Fayetteville. We had dinner with her grandpa, Poppy, too. It was a good time and then we went to Googly Moogly and her brother got some books on Wicca, and I think he got a crystal or a stone but I'm not too sure. From here we all went to Five Below – I constantly quote the BLP Kosher song, “Special K,” although I have only heard this song approximately 5 or 6 times in full. Specifically I quote the line, “I used to work at five below but now I keep that five below,” which is a good line. When spasmodically quote this line, Robert asked if I was a fan of BLP Kosher – which I confessed I’d only heard the one song. One thing that I love about Kyra and like about Robert is their knowledge related to the completely different world of rap music and various types of rave music. It took me a long time to realize how vast the world is, and I really don’t understand it still, but the vast systems and amounts of lore within different genres or niches is so interesting and it gives me hope in an odd. For a present example outside the scope of this blog, me and Kyra watched My Little Pony this morning and I was utterly captivated by the amount of knowledge retained by Kyra about a show I have very seldom seen her watch – I believe this sort of knowledge retainment is very common amongst all sorts of people in relation to knowledge related to serialized U.S. animation / sitcoms. On this same topic, it’s sort of the DFW notion that most people are smart in some very odd, hyper-specific way (usually pertaining to their chosen career) and are completely oblivious to this intelligence.

After Five Below, me and Kyra dropped Robert off at a friend’s house and then me and her went to her apartment for a little bit. I knew she was having a rough time with the transition from her moms to the new apartment, but I am very proud of her. She’s a lot stronger and braver than I would be under the same circumstances.

These feelings continued into the weekend, and I spent the weekend with Kyra – helping her out with moving but not really as she is very individualized when it comes organization and unpacking. Anyway, Kyra didn’t want me to air out her business with moving, which is understandable. I am very late on this blog and it is rather lacking, so taking out the weekend section is very helpful. I just want to end this off by saying my girlfriend is a very smart and strong lady who I am very proud of and thankful for. Goodbye.