It's 7:24 PM on Monday, June 1st. I am slightly depressed. I'm just worn out and I haven't done too much today. I watched this video about ScareTheater Lost Media; it (the video) is linked here. I used to watch a lot of ScareTheater when I was a kid, I also liked Night Mind and ReignBot a fair bit. That ScareTheater Lost Media video mentioned an Obey The Walrus Reaction video that is currently lost and features a scream sample from ScareTheater himself - which might be cool. I'm watching Rob's Media, who is a good YouTuber. I've debated even writing an entire for this week because I felt like nothing has really happened. Nothing ever happens. Rob's Media just mentioned the website, Mouchette.org. I won't link it as it's rather disturbing, but the styling of the website inspire much of my website from last year (telepathicjudas.neocities.org) alongside my interest in Robert Bresson. Mouchette.org is an art project by Martine Neddam, who I think is a neat lady.

Last Monday was Memorial Day, I was off work. I finished typing up this blog and I took a nap. I practiced guitar and piano; I am currently learning Myuuji's "Misconception" and his cover of "It's A Small World," both songs are classic background songs for Creepypasta Narrations on YouTube. I also read a fair amount, which I enjoyed. I spent the whole day with my mom and my sister; We got Wendy's and it was a good time. My buddy, Jordan Shorter sent some photos from our May 13th Silverdale Show. I had a good day with my mom and I told her that before going to bed and gave her a nice hug. Sometime during the night I had a dream about my dog Abie, which was my dog that passed away. You can read her story here. Me and my mom feel really guilty about Abie. In the dream I walked in near her doghouse (what is now Abie's grave), and she was alive and looked well (in the dream I knew she was dead, but I was shocked at seeing her alive), I petted Abie through her hair which was slightly matted and I apologized. Abie smiled at me like she did when she was happy. My mom had mentioned working on her grave that Monday so it may have been a dream that just processed things from the previous day, but Abie's ghost may have visited me.

On Tuesday, I watched Obsession; I thought the main actress's performance was good, however all the other character's motives just reminded me of high school and annoyed the hell out of me. Other than this, I listened to some KingSpook Compilation Reuploads and then I saw K. She and I spent a lot of time together, which was nice. Me and her got some dinner and we relaxed and watched some TV. Me and her also went to Walgreens and bought some toys for both my dog Tazia and Abie. I wanted to get a toy for Abie's grave in case she was still there and to let her know I was thinking of her, and I wanted to get Tazia something as well. I stayed at K's until 8:00 PM when I went home. K has a very sweet smile and I love her voice.

Wednesday is not too of note; Wednesday mostly consisted of me giving myself whiplash from researching Andre Breton, Hugo de Garis, and Mitchell Heisman. Breton has some interesting thoughts about surrealism that I need to look into. Hugo de Garis has some very interesting thoughts on AI alongside Heisman - however Heisman's work is too extensive and I don't understand it and there's a lot that I disagree with. I need to do more research on those three figures, but by the end of Wednesday, I was wore out and nihilistic.

Thursday was kind of a breath of fresh air; I mean there isn't too much to note about Thursday until the evening. I have cows now, and as I saw them walking as the sun was setting - this beautiful feeling washed over me. It was just a nice sight to see and that was really it. I went to bed around 8:10 PM and I fell asleep while the sun was still going down I thought about my idea of living in life through selected moments (e.g. only experiencing life through times you've said "that's okay" or have eaten a Wendy's Frosty or smiled) but with those hypnagogic moments in between awakeness and actual sleep. I thought about how much my life has changed in the past 6 years - specifically how 6 years ago I didn't know who K is and who Seth is and who Kyle is and who Leo is and who Dave is and all the stuff I hadn't created yet. I thought about all the songs and art I haven't made yet. After this thought I soon fell asleep.

Friday I spent the night at K's. We had a very nice time, we relaxed and went to our local mall. Our local mall is a deathtrap, a literal deathtrap of emotions. The mall itself used to be a great place. For example, I remember seeing a trollface t-shirt at the Hot Topic (in the mall) and being so so excited. I remember going to FYE (in the mall) and being asked out on my first date at 14 and then having that first date at the same mall. Anyways, everytime I have been to the mall since 2020, I have felt a wave of god awful loneliness that is akin to some kind of death. Our local mall is just a pitcher plant - although me and K felt pitiful walking through that mall.

On Saturday I woke up with K and I posted the new album and I went home. The new live album (linked here.)has done fairly well and made decent money (12 dollars). I also reached 3,000 plays on bandcamp, which is nice. Saturday I practiced piano and read until about 4PM when I went up and saw K. Me and her were going to Silverdale to see Hannah & Her Empty Orchestra and SeaScout. SeaScout is the same band I saw in the 8th blog entry for the TJ website (linked here.). It was good to see Sean from that band, he's a nice fellow. Me and K got in for free because I watched the door and made people pay. We all had a good time - K looked very nice and wore glasses (which I love, I'm honestly a sucker for when K wears glasses or wears her bonet.) and she was feeling pretty good. Hannah and her brother played the Empty Orchestra songs and it was very nice. Hannah makes some of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. She's great at piano and she writes in a way that makes me aware of a female perspective I have neglected for a long time. I recommend her song Another Woman (linked here.), which is a song that articulates something I've only noticed great writers like Maya Angelou, Sarah Kane, Jane Austen, and William Woodsworth can do. She let her brother John play a song he had written about Renee Goode, which was a tragic song. I wish I had the ability to understand and communicate the struggle of others in the way that John (Hannah's Brother) did in that song; John is a very good and caring person and his song seeks to correct a wrong - which is the goal of any great political (or motivational, in an emotional context) song. After Hannah's set, SeaScout played. SeaScout was very good and I was mostly encapsulated with the instrumentals. There was a great moment at the last song when Dave, Seth and Sean jammed for a while and then Sean's guitar fedback (is there such a thing as the past tense of feedback?) in the most pleasant way. SeaScout's set consisted of 3 musicians who really knew what they were doing and it was really cool. I will say that Hannah and Sean's music and their stage banter is irony-free. Now I'm not going to be some sort of postmodern tryhard and advocate for "new sincerity," but I will say that stage banter is very difficult. You can either do really cringy speeches (think of bands like Disturbed or Slipknot's monologues about being a family) or being ironic (I think I do this more off than not during my stage banter) or you can advertise and prop up your image during banter, most people do those latter two forms of stage banter. However, there is a fourth type of stage banter in which a performer tries to be as genuine as possible. This is what Hannah and Sean did, and it's a difficult task as a performer as you are trying to get something out of your head that has been in there for a long time whilst fitting those thoughts in between the short span between songs. Anyway, I am rambling.

After the show, I dropped K off and I went to my buddy DJ's house. A couple of my friends pulled up and we played pole and at one point DJ mentioned the Screamer video: "Michael Jackson's ghost! SCARY AT END!," which is one of the greatest videos of all time. I stayed and ate some pizza for a while and I ended up leaving at 11:30 PM. I soon went to bed.

On Sunday I went to Church and I took a nap. At some point Leo (from my old band Big Brain, Small Skull) texted me and said that he really enjoyed the live album. It was good to hear from him after so long. Goodbye.