It's 9:51 PM on Monday the 8th; I plan on posting this blog entry tomorrow, but we shall see. I am currently rebinding a bible that has the opening present page as "This Bible Belongs to '(My Grandma's Name)', Gifted by 'Lady at Yard Sale.'" She actually wrote "Lady at Yard Sale," Which I find funny. My grandpa on my family's other side is in the hospital for drinking too much. He (my grandpa) is okay at the moment, he just needs to slow down drinking. Since my grandma on my family's other side's death (read more here.), my grandpa hasn't been the same - I don't think he'll really be happy again until he's with her again. It's horrifically depressing, and I don't think that reality is something that my dad can handle. Maybe I can't handle the full weight that death brings and my mind blots it out creating the illusion that I can handle death slightly better than others since I’m young and shouldn’t have to worry about it in the present moment. I don't know. My grandpa is a good man, we've just had a bit of an isolated relationship while I was growing up - I was never really interested in labour intensive behaviors. He (my grandpa) seems to like my step brother a little better, which is good and I'm glad he has someone like that on that end. Anyways, the story of my grandpa and my grandma is depressing. There are hundreds of thousands of movies and books about finding the love of your life, but what happens 60 years down the line? What happens when you've lived through that wonderful period and someone must keep living without the other person? Very, very scary stuff.

Last Wednesday was June 3rd, which would've been my parent's 25th wedding anniversary. I actually do not care too much about this depressing factoid as my mom most likely couldn't have undergone that stress that the marriage brought, I definitely prefer my mom being here rather than the anniversary. Sometimes people can not make things work, and that's okay. This isn't to besmirch my dad or anything, they just were not a healthy couple at an emotional level and I think they were just two people trying their best to make something work. A sort of death, termination of the relationship - if you will. Anyway, everyone is much happier now. I got slightly interested in the place I was born, Honesdale, PA and watched a couple videos of people driving through the town. I went home, and I was awfully stressed out because of my clerical week so I just read and briefly practiced piano.

As mentioned briefly, the last entire week has been entirely clerical which was very tiring. Thursday was no exception, and I came into the day with the frame of mind that I need a water pitcher full of coffee. This was a big mistake and I regretted it about noon when I started to get brain zaps. I won't get into depth about what brain zaps are, they are essentially fatigue mixed with a headache accompanied by brief jolts of perceived electricity that can startle the person experiencing it. Brain zaps are mostly side effects with sudden withdrawal or weaning of an antidepressant (particularly Effexor, which is the SNRI I take) but can also be caused by excessive amounts of stress or caffeine.

I worked all day on Thursday and then I went to Silverdale. I talked to Seth and Hannah, which was nice. I bought a salad from Sheetz, which was amazing. Caleb arrived for deaththreads practice, and it was a good time. I talked Caleb's poor ear off about Military School. I told him the whole damn story from my Epilogue from the MCA section of this blog. We had a good practice and Caleb did really well. We worked on the song "i got fat," but we added a hardcore breakdown. I forgot that I can do grindcore vocals, which helped that breakdown quite a lot. Anyways, I drove home and I called my grandma (the one who bought the Bible from the Lady From The Yard Sale). I forgot what time I got home, but I read and I went to bed with the fan on - which was nice. My brain zaps were still persistent and I would soon learn the error of my ways (regarding excessive coffee drinking).

While sleeping on Thursday, I had awful dreams. I don't really care to get into it as it was quite traumatic.

I woke up in the morning on Friday and I attended my sister's graduation. It was sweet and I'm very happy for her. I started heading to work at about 9:40 AM, I planned on getting Qdoba, however, they are going through renovations and were not opened. I still had slight (but awful) brain zaps, so I was in a rather poor mood. I got Taco Bell and I worked until I went to K's house. Me and her took a nap at about 5 PM, which actually fixed my brain zaps. She and I went to Burger King and I got the new Jalapeno Burger, which was okay. Me and her drove around and went home and then me and her fell asleep together, which was sweet. During our drive I told her my thoughts on teaching and why I want to teach and me and her talked about 2020 nostalgia and how sad animal deaths are. I told her the whole story from Song For Ur Dog; I think she likes when I talk earnestly like that. Not like overbearing trauma or rambling, I can’t really explain it - I just know when I’m doing it, telling something to someone because they’re interested. Anyways me and her fell asleep and it was nice. When we go to bed it’s always hot and I’m usually burning up so I’ll usually roll over as to cool down a little and she’ll spread out on the bed - which I find cute.

I woke up on Saturday and I spent a little time with K before going home. When I got home, I read about 40 pages between the two books I'm reading (Freud and Erikson) and then I practiced piano. At about noon, I took a nap while listening to Roseanne playing on the TV. I slept for about an hour and then I played Minecraft for a couple hours. At this point, me and my stepdad lit a bonfire which was a lot of fun. Me and him sat back and watched a fire that consisted of a coffee table and some random wood and some boxes. I was so worn out when I got in from the bonfire that I just went to bed.

On Sunday, I had a big day planned. We had a big show planned and I was going to be all over the place. I read quite a bit and then I went to church. Church was good, and I talked to my grandma and then I went to Silverdale. I loaded up all the band equipment for deaththreads. It was about 1:00 PM at this point and I then went to Caleb's and picked him up. Both me and Caleb were very excited for this show as it was Caleb's first show outside of Beckley. He and I went to Sheetz and we ate some good food. I got a sandwich and some very good mozzarella sticks. We left for Wild Riders's Saloon, which is where we were going to play. We arrived at the Saloon around 3:38 PM. Two of the five bands were already there, and eventually we went in. It took a while for us to set up everything (partially to kill some time for people to show up) but once we got set up, everything was good to go. Deaththreads played around 5:45 PM, and there was a good crowd. It was mostly the other bands, however they were new to me and Caleb - which is still people in the door. Me and Caleb sounded really good and we had a very good set. That breakdown section went very well at the show and the freakout section in Bea Aboo went very well. Caleb did a double pedal type sort of pattern that was cool during that breakdown section. After our set, I sold a couple shirts and stickers which was very nice.

The band after us was Lost Fragments, which I've hyperlinked - they were very good and I liked their first song which reminded me of like super melodic black metal - the band also used 9 strings, which is the coolest. After Lost Fragments, Die Standing played and they were very good. Everyone in the band was very nice, the drummer/singer Kyle networked with us and it was very sweet. Their bass player, Kiersten (idk if that is the correct spelling, my bad) used my Rumble 250, which was dope. I would later buy some stickers and she let me pick which one I wanted, which I thought was nice. The band had a guitar player and a bass player, and their drummer/singer (Kyle) was very cool. After them, the band Sex Agenda played - Sex Agenda is awesome, they are very good and I enjoy all of their songs. Every member in the band is super cool and I enjoyed listening to them and hanging out with them. I told the singer and guitar player for Sex Agenda that they (Sex Agenda) should record a cassette with the minimal setup (Sex Agenda does not have a bass player at the moment), however their tone sounded really cool - and I think a minimal cassette recording would help. The headlining band was Full Nelson were great. It was their last day on a 5(?) day tour. They did not have a guitar cab so Shawn from Mosh4All had to use two PA speakers as an amplifier. I begun to pack up whilst they played their set, however the guitar player had this really cool noise in one of their songs. I’ve linked one of their sets here since I can’t provide a better, cooler, and more detailed summary of their set. I do know that it was a fairly quick set, which I admire about Hardcore is that they don’t really do the whole “here’s our last song” thing that seems to be the standard for stage banter.

Me and Caleb left around 9:30ish, the sun had barely set. I told Caleb, “We made money, we had a good time, and we’re getting home at a decent time. Those three things are very rare for shows.” This is true, usually one (but usually) two of those things are missing for the golden show equation. A lot of people praised Caleb for being so good at drums at 16, which I thought was wholesome. I’m sure I put this in a blog before - but it’s really special to me that Dave has worked with me so much in Deaththreads and taught me so much about production and working together and that I can know transfer that knowledge to working with Caleb regarding all the things I’ve learned from Blue Shell about going to shows and working with venues and other musicians whilst Dave also teaches me how to lead a band and communicate with Caleb (as someone who has never been to shows as much as me and Dave) a lot better than if it was just me and Caleb on my own. Dave’s been working on a movie that I’m excited for.

I drove Caleb home and then I started heading to my house. I listened to a narration of “My dog went missing for three days” by Chewingskin. I think that is my favorite and what I think is the scariest creepypasta. It’s very well written - and whilst I don’t find stories about Wendigos or shapeshifting skin walkers that interesting since the advent of the Innawoods /x/ or /k/ spooky story, that story is really well written. I have a fond memory of listening to that same Mr. Creepypasta (who is not a good person) narration of “My Dog Went Missing for Three Days” while clearing dead corn stalks in the rain for my grandpa (the one who is at the hospital now). I got home at about 11 PM and I went to bed.

It’s now Tuesday, June 9th. I wrote most of this blog entry on Monday and I’m just finishing up. Yesterday I listened to a narration of Euthyphro by Plato and then listened to some of Adam Rosenfeld’s course on Ancient Philosophy, which is very good and I recommend the series. I started typing up the blog for this entry and listened to the new Scaretheater video titled “The Most Disturbing Internet Screamers No One Talks About,” which was a well done video. I fell asleep to this video by Sacrow titled "The Internet/Tech Creepypasta Iceberg Explained Vol. 3”, which was also good. I like Sacrow’s voice and how he used Myuu’s “Disintegrating” as an interlude song in between the entries. Anyways, I’m going to finish watching Possession (1981) and I might watch Crash (1996) later today.

Goodbye.