January 16th, 2020 - 8:55 AM
I hate that damn trumpet song, I've been waking up about 20 minutes before they actually woke us up,it's annoying because I don't know what the actual time is - and it doesn't help that Johnson runs around screaming
The main thing I hate about Johnson is that we're a pretty good platoon. I mean they talk quite a bit, but when we stand
perfectly still, it is perfectly still. You her some real depressing things around here. A kid just told me he has half a heart. A girl tried to k-ll herself
in front of everyone yesterday. That kid who has half a heart told me he likes old school rap music.
11:59 AM
It's finally lunch, today we're having a fish sandwhich and the same salad - we also had a peanut buttersandwhich for snack, and I don't really like peanut butter sandwhiches - but after we ran our mile, I really
enjoyed it. I like peanut butter, and jelly - that was amazing. If I had it my way - I'd eat PBJ sandwhiches,
breakfasy buritos, and oven roasted chicken subs everyday. Other things I'd do if I had my way would be wake up
beside E{...} and then I'd work on a book or something and when I'd finish it, everyone would go crazy about it,
and I kind of just relive that for all of my life. I believe that's what heaven is - it's like you relive your
happiest memories or something but I have the problem where everytime I get really happy, I cry. I mean there's tons of moments
in my life where I've been truly happy I just never realized it. I forgot to mention in that whole being a writer scenario
I'd be beside this girl I love, whoever that may be and then I'd to whatever job I have, I may work on computers,
I might work at subway and be going to college to work at the park service. Sorry I got off topic, no one will read this.
But, I'll tell you at dinnertime, I believe we're getting ready for lunch right now.
6:50 PM
So I lost my pencil, but I'll find one soon. But as I was telling you,about the things I want to do and the things I want to do and things that might end up happening
when I get home I might go to Chicago for a week, for E, but I'm still waiting on her letter.
I'll write in the morning.
January 17th, 2020 - 8:02 AM
I'm trying to be positive and it's working and I belive that's one of the most important thingsa human being could do is perservere. That would be a precursor to what a sh-tty day this has started out
as, but it's over, not entirely but some of the worst is over. This kid is telling me about greek gods right now.
He me about crying and how this place is hell. This place isn't hell. But in a way this day has gone fine, we finally did laundry.
We eventually got our shit together and hopefully the awful PT sesson we had. I'm really proud of myself, I really am.
For getting through all of this shit, the way I do. Thank god for brain fog. It's easy to space out - not in some big majestic way.
My arms are sore. But I used to think I was a socipath. Goodbye.
9:25 AM
So we're in an actual classroom right now, which I love. It's honestly an amazing feeling to be in a relaxing placewhile your body is sore, it means you put in the work. We just did a test, a pretest, but I tried my best on it. I hope
I did well. We're having snack right now. It's a chocolate bar and some go gurt, you should've seen how happy I was when she
handed them out. But let me tell you about my morning, Johnson wakes up like usual, I've gotten used to the chaos that is waking up,
however, he decided to add laundry in - and that set everything out of whack. Every now and then I'll get a soft spot for Johnson,
but when you really don't like Johnson - you really don't like him. But it could be worse, we could wake up to Mr. Bircher, he's the one who said I couldn't mop.
That offended me, it really did. I take my job at subway with pride. There it seems like I am somebody. Here, you have to act like a machine and like you are miserable,
and then when you're up on the graduation stage or at home, you have to act like every single squad leader cares about you in some deep amazing way. For some reason, Mr. Hughes or Mr. Mullins,
they really do care. But some of them, like Sisler or this guy from new jersey, you just have to deal with them. They kill me, they're really goofy. They're always real argonant, Sisler always smirks
while we're freaking out or getting chewed out. It's a real awful thing to smirk while some kid is getting chewed out.
I think this whole Iran thing is awful too.
I see a lot of kids just like me scared and always thinking and always trying to be happy,
and it really is sad to think they could get drafted, or even worse sign up without really thinking about it.
12:08 AM
I am under the impression everyone is getting their shit together. Including me, everything is coming together.I'm hungry as can be, I really hope things with me and E finally work out but if they don't it won't be that bad.
I'm waiting on her letter. Letters from my family kill me. I love my family (most of them), I think it's understandable
to love somebody, platonically, but not appreciate the things they do - like my dad's side can do some things that are not the best,
but when you get a letter from someone like them whenever you're in a tough place like this, you appericate it. I'm so excited for lunch,
it's the love of my life currently, every day, I get so excited for whatever meal we are having. We had cake yesterday and biscuits and gravy and it tasted so good.
This place is weird like that. I have a philosophy, that to go through some really good times, you have to go through some bad times, kind of like a trade deal.
The reason I think this way is because it helps me stay positive but this one time is 8th grade, all at once, I got a girlfriend, I got spotify premium (for a week)
and a bunch of other good stuff happened. However, when that Spotify trial ran out, my week turned awful.
Some kid just made an origami rose, and that's probably the coolest thing I've seen the past couple weeks.
January 18th, 2020 - 8:29 AM
Everything is going good. I made a friend, his name is Yates, he's a real thinker. He's writing in a journalright now. We're alot alike, someone asked if we were related. He's a little more introverted then I am, but I'm
sure he'll figure things out. Johnson is flipping out and I'm sure Sisler is too. Our bay got smoked yesterday, we went
outside and like usual, my bay would not be quiet. We got smoked after that again for the same reason. Since then, we've been fine.
Emily sent me a letter, it's the sweetest thing I've ever read. I think I'll start writing her another letter.
2:37 PM
My folder is wet, its' only been a couple days but the rain has removed the top layer of canvascausing the print and color to be easily tore off. I've the the shape of a smily face into my folder.
I'm so ready for this acclimation nonsense to be over with. I'm so excited for this whole process to be over
with and become rountine like it already has, but I'd love for it to be March or April already. My parents told me
they were getting a divorce in April of 2017. My family went out for pizza, I can't remember where but we went home and
we always watched some TV before I went to bed. Well, I guess after I went to bed, my mom wasn't feeling okay - like the kind of okay
where you don't want to talk to anyone but my dad proding and then my mom said "we should get a divorce." which they did.
I wish they did it sooner but I knew that my mom didn't like my dad too much. My bay won't be quiet, they are very well.
As I was saying, the real thing that got the ball rolling on the whole divorce thing was one time my dad got mad at me
and he just kept badgering me and all I could say was "ok." And then he said something like "why can't you say anything else?"
and then my dad left to the bathroom and I was crying and my mom looked at me and I said "I don't know what to say," and my mom later told me
that that had broke her heart. It was one of the realest things I've ever said. She told my dad she wanted a divorce, she tried to give him a second chance,
but she wamted to die the next day, she told me that. I wanted to die when I was with H. I might tell you about her.
5:04 PM
We just got done with PT. It went pretty well, I wrote E a letter before my last journal entry. I like her.We're having salmon for dinner. Hopefully we're in here for a little bit so I can write.
8:15 PM
Today has been stressful but we've really left off on a positive note. I'm excited to excited to be in aclassroom, I never thought I'd say that. The reason why I was so stressed out was because there so much going
on, and my mind just got clogged up. I'm also excited for tomorrow, I get to be in a classroom, I get to eat some
amazing breakfast and pretty soon, I'll be a full fledge cadet. I'm working really hard.