It is 9:39 AM, I am watching Roseanne. I sent some emails to a couple of venues in Beckley for deaththreads and hopefully I will hear back from some of them soon. This week has been an eventful one. Today is Saturday, I plan on writing this blog and then showering and then cleaning my room and then reading and then spending the day with K. At some point today I would like to read a little of Artful Sentences. The semester is pretty much over, but tomorrow I will probably work on the last of my school stuff.

On Monday, nothing of note happened. I was in a pretty good mood – it is important to mention that I’ve been on an antibiotic (Clindamycin, 300mg) alongside my normal antidepressant (Venlafaxine (Brand name: Effexor), 150mg). This chemical mesh would end up messing with my anxiety (ICD-10 Code: F41.1) for the rest of the week.

On Tuesday, my anxiety began to heighten – specifically work began to stress me out (in a general sense) and I eventually became comatose until I went home. I was depressed and I felt pain in my fingertips; the physical explanation is that this pain is caused by the stress chemicals affecting blood flow and muscle tension – which causes higher nervous system sensitivity, but some believe that this fingertip pain is a manifestation of the anxiety and/or depression.

On Wednesday, I would go into a full-blown panic mood – there wasn’t an actual triggering event, however I was freaking out about college and the potential of being unemployed and a show that would fall through for deaththreads. I have this awful tendency that I can’t articulate too well, but the way I understand my anxiety and depression is that I’m an overall anxious person which is fine. The issue is that when it comes to anxieties that I cannot really control, my mind gravitates towards more articulable, digestible anxieties which often pull me into a depression. This hasn’t happened for a while, and it’s probably worded rather poorly – but I believe it’s some backwards coping mechanism where I am still anxious about whatever abstract, seemingly overbearing thing alongside a more tangible thing (traffic, awful people, lost connections, etc.). This issue was a lot more prevalent when I was a teenager, however it poked its’ ugly head on Wednesday. I ended up panicking and texting Dave a bunch and he called me, which I was very thankful for. I went to K’s house and whilst driving I listened to a narration of “The Depressed Person,” by David Foster Wallace – which I felt was a prevalent story. I saw K and me and her had a good time and relaxed, although I was still rather anxious and I had cover-roll stretch tape.

On Thursday, nothing of note happened. I researched BFRBs(Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors), as I have a rather painful habit of tearing at my fingertips that I should honestly seek Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for, but that I will try and fix one day. This particular self-soothing, self-grooming, addictive and/or seeking behavior is transferred from my previous habit of picking at my face (read more here.), which was a rather uneasy time in my life. I went home and I played Minecraft. I also completed an entire presentation video for one of my college classes. PRESENT TENSE INTERMISSION:After writing this blog, I might buy some form of fidget and maybe a book on BFRBs.

On Friday, I felt a lot better. I talked to Dave a little bit about the new live album that will hopefully come out soon. I worked until 2PM, and I feel a little more confident with managing school and work – although this isn’t something I’ll really get into. I went to Silverdale around 2:30PM as I know Blue Shell’s drummer likes to be early and I loaded up the amps with him. We hung around Silverdale until 4PM when we went to Causecon, which is the convention we were playing. We’ve played there every year for the past 3 or 4(?) years. These shows are fun, in the past we’ve gotten there at 9 AM and stayed the whole time – which is both enjoyable and not, I am not really Causecon’s target demographic as it’s a gaming/anime/sci-fi expo and my primary interests (as of late) are English Syntax and Metaphysics, so typically my experiences have been walking around the convention center for 20 minutes, checking out the bookstore, and then playing Super Mario Bros. 3 for as long as possible. Anyways, this year was rather quiet.

We got to convention center about 4:10 PM and we walked around until we set up our equipment on the main stage. There were only roughly 15(?) people in attendance for our set, which is fine and our set went well. We tore down and I talked to this kid Tyrus, who introduced me to Creepypasta (specifically Mr. Mix and Jeff the Killer) in 5th grade and this other guy who was really into Whitehouse and Japanese Harsh Noise (he pronounced The Gerogerigegege perfectly, which I was impressed by). I like some of Whitehouse’s songs (Specifically Cut Hands Has The Solution and Killing Hurts Gives You the Secrets) and Phillip Best is very good at production, but a lot of their music feels unnecessary and excessive and the musical equivalent of a cercarial dermatitis.

I got back to Silverdale at around 6:51 PM. I put the amps and everything back up and headed home. I talked to Seth for a little bit alongside Saja and Shane. When I came home I realized I was slightly sunburnt and then I went to bed.

This morning at around 6 AM, my boxer pup, Tazia crawled into bed with me and laid with me until we both woke up at 8:10 AM. It’s now 11:52 AM. I am going to take a nap. Goodbye.