Epilogue
My last sentence was caught off by us being called to attention, I do not remember what I was going to write. I think the time was around 7:45ish in the evening so we were probably sent to the barracks to pack and we went to bed shortly ever - I never wrote in that journal again.On March 21st, 2020, we were woke up at about 4 AM, I only have a few glimpses to how that day operated - but what I do remember is after we packed all our things in our big duffle bag, we left it beside our bunk. I remember some things we could not pack such as shower things or toothpaste (I honestly can not remember), and I think one of the reasons they got us up so early was so we could shower and finish packing everything and getting our bunks ready and all that stuff. I remember us standing at attention at the DFACT with our big duffle bags, and I remember going to the gym and we were there for about an hour and a half. We left before the sun started to rise, I remember being excited but also semiterrified. In the last entry I had mentioned that Ms. Taylor had said something but my journal entry got caught off, I remember what she said but I cannot articulate it the same way it felt; she said something along the lines of that this corona mess wasn't a vacation and it wasn't a game. This was out of character for her - she was typically easy going but stern, I now know that her reaction to our excitement for leaving MCA was a reaction of fear. My mom said in a post from March 19, 2021:
"To those of you that think this virus is no big deal and it's cute to carry on as usual: A friggin' MILITARY school is being shut down. Kids that are the fittest of the fit are being sent home."
I think that post encapsulates the energy of the time, entwined within the humor that people utilize constantly - there is a fear. There was a big fear then, so people were more upfront with it such as Ms. Taylor. Some people did not take it as seriously, like my grandparents. And some people were somewhere in the middle like my mother and myself.
I would make it to the Glen Jean National Guard Armory on the 21st at about 9 AM. I would reunite with my dad and my former step mom would take a video of us walking towards my father's truck. From there we would go to the Cheverolt dealership (I do not remember why) and I would call E and message all of my friends. I would get home and the first thing I did was play toys with my little sister Kinsley, I would spend an hour doing this. I would try to take a nap but I was too excited from being home to do this. For a few years, I would believe this to be a misstep - that I should've taken a nap to start off my new life as well rested and mentally organized as possible - but now that I'm older, I'm really glad that the first thing I did when coming home from MCA was spend time with my sister.
The following days/months are honestly a little bit of a blur. I remember checking the facebook group that Class 1-2020 used as a center for our assignments, our classes were done via Livestream kind of - some teachers opted to record their lessons and post the video. We did this for approximately the entire month of April, we were also assigned a member of the staff (typically a Teacher) who would call several cadets and essentially just check in to see how they were doing, made sure they were keeping up with our schoolwork and made sure we had electricity, access to the internet, food, water, etc. in retrospect it was honestly extremely sweet and caring of them. My advisor who would check in with me daily referred to me as Chris (I have always went by Christian, and have never went by Chris) but also clued me into what items I needed to complete and what items I did not really need to worry about. This is simply speculation, but I honestly believe I did the legal bare minimum relating to this school work. This is understandable, considering the circumstances of peak covid.
On May 4th, 2020, I was informed that there would be a special announcement regarding a return to MCA that would occur sometime around 5-6 PM. This annoucement would occur on the MCA facebook page. May 4th, 2020 would also be the first time that I would see my best friend Ronnie since First Leave. Me and Ronnie would go to Grandview, we would take a walk around Grandview - we would also take pictures of me and Ronnie (separately) with our feet hanging off the edge of this cliff in Grandview. In hindsight, this was dumb and dangerous - honestly, I was in an extremely depressed mood. I remember sitting with Ronnie, vomitting out what I imagine was the most pessimist dribble. I thought about running away, on the train tracks - I did not do this. I believe me and Ronnie also walked a trail in Little Beaver, I believe we got lost and what was supposed to be a 45 minute trail ended up becoming a 2 hour trail because me and Ronnie kept weaving through different paths. At about 4PM, me and Ronnie would end up finding our way out of the trail, we would head to the Subway that I worked out - Me and Ronnie both saw this as my "final meal." Once I purchased what I imagined to be my final meal, me and Ronnie sat in her Jeep and waited for the video announcement to be posted.
Once the video started, me and Ronnie watched in fear as the director discussed her plan for our return to MCA. The director would then elaborate MCA's 3 options - which were to come and take the TASC test on a specified day, restart for the next 2-2020 class, or to simply quit the MCA program. Once the director finished her announcement, I instantly knew what I wanted to do - I would come back to MCA for one day and take my test. With my anxiety calmed - me, Ronnie, and some of my other friends would celebrate by smoking 500 cigarettes. I rewatched this announcement video for this epilogue, I want to quote my general orders because I honestly forgot them - but these orders are something we yelled while standing at attention before every meal (alongside a moment of silence for those who prayed):
I'm a winner.
Winners never quit and quitters never win.
I have the courage to complete my task regardless of how hard I think it may be.
I am responsible for my own actions.
On June 13th, 2020, I would return to the Glen Jean National Guard Armory. By this point, I had started my job at Subway back and I remember staring at the calendar on the 12th, and thinking had odd it was that this experience was nothing like I had imagined it would. I had honestly become an insufferable bastard by this time - I'll explain why later.
My late grandmother is the one who drove me to the armory. I would be swabbed for Covid and at about 10 or 11 AM, a group of cadets (including me) would make our way towards Kingwood (a 3 hour drive) - we were the first van to leave. I believe the Guardsmen who drove us, were not very familiar with West Virginia at all, because we ended up being last van to arrive at Camp Dawson, 4 hours later.
I have pretty moderate anxiety now - but my anxiety (especially at this time, being unmedicated) was extreme, and I tend to freak out over things that are not entirely in the realm of possibility. One example of this is when my car makes normal acceleration sounds and I take it to mean something is horribly wrong with my car. The example of that that pertains to this story is a rather funny story. MCA is a no drug facility - we would be drug tested on opening day, arriving back on first leave, arriving back on second leave, etc. So it was no different that we would be drug tested on the arrival back after two and a half months of online schooling at home. It is also important to note, that I am not a drug user - I was addicted to vaping for about 3 years and I do not smoke weed. As mentioned in the previous journals, I love nicotine and I was also a fien. During one of my shifts at Subway prior to my testing, I would borrow my coworkers' NJoy (nicotine vape) and hit it several times. This occured about 3-4 weeks before I came back to MCA, but I remember being petrified that there was THC in my system from my coworkers' use of dab pens. I was worried and terrified that somehow through the transfer of saliva that there was now THC in my system and bloodstream and I would fail my drug test. I had this in the back of my head as I was on the way to Kingwood, and I had this in the back of my head during our processing, but it only came to the forefront of my attention in the latrine as I was standing at parade rest as Mr. Hughes was waiting for my drug test results to pop up. During this test, I was worried but not too worried until Mr. Hughes went, "Shumate, when's the last time you smoked pot?" I was panicked. What I believed to be one of my anxious thoughts had seemingly materialized into an objective truth. "I've never smoked pot, sir." is what I mumbled through my trembling lips. "That's not what this is showing me," Mr. Hughes said referring to my drug test. We sat there in a second, I think I mumbled something about how that didn't make sense and he just stared at me in silence. After a pause that felt like forever, Mr. Hughes finally spoke up, "I'm just fucking with you, go to your bunk and study" and let out the biggest geniune chuckle, knowing he had got me. I damn near collapsed onto the foot of my bunk to catch my breath.
From here, we mostly took pictures - doing our graduation pictures for the yearbook and ate lunch and dinner. Once this was all done, all 6-10 of us (I can not remember how many were there, but it wasn't a lot) went to the barracks, showered and got into our nighttime clothes, and were told to study our TASC workbooks. I don't think any of us really studied and a lot of us just sat and stared at the floor. One cadre watched us for about 15 minutes - he would briefly discuss 9/11 conspiracy theories with one of the cadets and I would listen. Then this cadre member would switch spots with another cadre member. He talked about video games with the aforementioned cadet for what felt like forever. It was some of the most boring, lame conversation I've ever heard. Some classics I remember from this awful, terrible, no good conversation were something about the demons from Diablo III not being biblically accurate (who cares) and that cadre member saying something about Angry Joe from TGWTG, "you may not like Angry Joe, but he will tell you like it is." As soon as this sentence left that guy's mouth, I instantly thought of this video of Geoff Keighley bullying Angry Joe. One of the only times I talked during this awfully boring 2 hours was when Angry Joe Cadre Staff guy would ask me if I was the kid who freaked out just before first leave because he had the flu, this freak out is documented in the Feb. 14th MCA Entry. Angry Joe Cadre Staff guy told me I should get my antibodies tested because I could've had covid before it was really a thing. We went to bed shortly after.
The next day we did our entire TASC test, I did the best that I could but I honestly did not try my hardest. It was a long day, we took all 8 sections in 8-10 hours. We would go home around 4 PM. When we left, I did not care how I did. I was just glad to be on my way home. Similar to our arrival, we were the last to make it back to my Glen Jean Armory. Once we parked, I remember one of the guardsmen (who was also a recruiter) went over our ASVAB scores and told us in detail (this took fucking forever) about what we could do in the National Guard. Needless to say, once the guardsmen opened the van's door, we fled to our respective cars. I saw my dad, and we went home. He had forgotten to charge my phone so I had to wait about 30 minutes to charge it. A few weeks later, I would get a phone call from the principal to congratulate me - I had passed all 8 sections and she told me that my dipolma and yearbook would be sent in the mail. MCA would message me every few months to check up on me - I was already employed, and I got my license shortly after I graduated - so my conversations with MCA were rather short.
I didn't keep in touch with anyone I was friends with at MCA. I messaged a handful of people of note mentioned in the journals; specifically Wood and Strahin. Wood joined the army and has sense become a model - she enjoyed my mention of her and told me to send anymore journals that mention her. Strahin did not return my message, but I hope she's doing well. I think of her when I hear the song "You Were Cool" by the Mountain Goats. Her hair has since grown back, and she's very pretty. One of my peers got a DUI, I know this because I looked them up to send them these journals. This DUI was on 12/12/2025 - the same date that class 2-2025 graduated. I doubt this DUI had anything to do with the nostalgia that MCA induces in some, but sometimes when I think about MCA - I definitely want to drink. Other than that, I hope everyone from my class is doing well.
B found out about E almost immediately upon me coming back home. I don't think I told her, she just found out. This was most likely for the best. B would request 100 dollars from on cashapp in 2022. I was slightly concerned how she found my cashapp and also slightly offended. In 2025, she would comment on my tea page, "A Few years ago he started snapping me and then he went to military school and would write me lovely dovey letters and stuff ..... Turns out he had a gf the whole time." This is turn, and I most likely deserve that. Anyways, she is married now and I hope she is doing well.
Me and D's feelings for each other amplified very quickly after I came home, well mine did. She flirted with me about twice and then she started liking her boyfriend (H) again, she told me that she wanted to just be friends again, and this broke my heart. This would cause a rift in our friend group, and it ended with a big argument in about September 2020. Me and her have not really recovered our friendship but I have briefly spoke to her on a handful occasions. The song Driveway Song by me is about her. I messaged her about this journal and she said she was proud of how far I have come emotionally. We have not spoke too much since then, that is okay.
Me and E broke up shortly after the May 4th announcement due to my increasing insufferable pessimism, my heartbreak over D, and finding a long distance relationship not fun. I reached out to her for this and she read the Feb. 19th entry. She seems to be happy now, and I wish her the best. She's aware about the stuff with D, I am sorry. I was a very dumb 17 year old.
My late grandmother who dropped me off at the Glen Jean Armory for TASC testing would pass away on July 24th, 2020. She had a heart attack from a lot of factors (one of which I believe was stress) and the ambulance took forever to get to my grandparents house, me and my family believe she died on her porch - the same porch she would sit with my grandfather and watch the skyline. My last memory of her is her dropping me off at my plumbing job, the owner of which was her son (my uncle). I believe this was the best way to end things. My grandfather has and most likely will not recover. I wrote more about her at this page
On March 9th, 2021, I would go to the Emergency Room for some bad thoughts. What I need was a mental health professional, which I got after 4 hours of waiting. It is most likely for the best that I wasn't fully commited to the psych ward. From here, I would begin to ease my depression and my anxiety. While I'm prone to loneliness spells and anxious freakouts, I no longer have those bad thoughts. You can read more here
Life has been okay. I'm going to hang out with Ronnie this evening and I am very excited.
- Christian - December 20th, 2025 12:20 PM